...In which I attempt to become the Derren Brown of sport. By that I don't mean completely waste a good hour of prime-time television, I mean I will try to guess the nominees for the 2009 BBC Sports Personality of the Year award. With most of the major sports events of the year out of the way, a number of potential candidates have come to the fore. To be honest, at least half of them pretty much pick themselves, but I'll take a stab at filling the rest of the places.
Jessica Ennis - Athletics
Sheffield's Jessica Ennis has everything. A 23 year-old World Champion in the heptathlon, allied to undeniable good looks, means she will be the poster girl for the forthcoming 2012 London Olympics. Her performance in the World Championships in Berlin was one of domination, using her two strongest events – the hurdles and high jump, in which she is also British number one – to set a frightening pace which no-one could even get close to. By no means the finished article, expect her to have the British heptathlon record by 2012, especially if she can sort out her day 2 events. The absent Hyleas Fountain may provide stiff competition in the years to come, as well as Kluft (if she ever returns, which is looking increasingly unlikely) and – let us not forget – Kelly Sotherton. Just in case she didn't already have everything going for her, this year's SPOTY is being broadcast from – you guessed it – Sheffield, meaning she will undoubtedly have centre stage on the night as well.
My Prediction: 1st
Phillips Idowu - Athletics
Finally, Phillips Idowu is a World Champion. Thank the Lord. Years of unfulfilled potential have finally been realised in a few seconds and 17.73 metres. That the winning mark he set put 5cm on his outdoor best dating back to the 2002 Commonwealth Games demonstrates that potential he always had. Of course, we musn't forget that prior to the Worlds, Phillips picked up the 2008 World Indoor title, Olympic silver, the 2007 European Indoors and 2006 Commonwealths, making him one of the most consistent performers on the big stage in recent years. Now a recognisable figure due to these performances over the years, one would have expected him to do well on the night, although fellow athlete Ennis will take many of his potential votes.
My prediction: 7th
Andy Murray - Tennis
Every year, Andy Murray takes another step forward in his development as a tennis player and as a figure in the web of British sport. And accordingly it seems, every year he picks up a SPOTY nomination. Having become the first player in four years to break the Federer-Nadal domination of world tennis by becoming the world number 2 (albeit temporarily) this year should be no exception. Winning five titles this year – including two Masters Series events - has established the Scot at the top of the men's game. He will look to add to that tally in the season ending indoor hard court events, at which he is probably the best player in the world. However he continues to polarise opinion on these shores, meaning unless he goes and wins a Slam, a top-three finish is unlikely.
My prediction: 5th
Jenson Button – Motorsport
SPOTY's love affair with Formula One drivers is set to continue this year, after Jenson Button's simply stunning season being set to land him the world title. It is frankly staggering to consider that he might not even have made the grid this season, with his Honda team pulling out in the winter and only an 11th hour buyout by the team's technical director Ross Brawn made this story possible. In fact this may even have had its own blessing, with the team shod of its works Honda engines and being able to secure a deal to run the leading Mercedes powerplants instead. It is worth noting that the apparent small-team success would not have been possible without Honda's millions and the team writing off 2008 completely to design the 2009 car to the radical new regulations. However, this should not in any way belittle the achievement of the team and its probable 2009 World Champion. The bookies' favourite, although Lewis Hamilton has had that honour and failed to take the top prize.
My Prediction: 2nd
Mark Cavendish - Cycling
Cavendish should be one of Britain's biggest sports stars. He has a palmares so big it even commands its own page on Wikipedia, distinct from his actual profile page. What it will show is over 20 professional victories in 2009, including the prestigious Milan-Sanremo classic and six Tour de France stages. In MSR and the final stage of the TdF in Paris, Cavendish has picked up two of the biggest wins a road sprinter could want. It is hard to gauge how much these have caught the attention of the public, and whether these will translate into votes. Also he will likely be up against Bradley Wiggins, with cycling fans voting en masse for one or the other. However, if the BBC give him the billing he deserves, expect him to poll well.
My Prediction: 3rd
Bradley Wiggins - Cycling
How is it possible that the six-time Olympic medallist (including three golds) is the nearly man of British sport? Overshadowed by Kelly Holmes in 2004 and fellow cyclist Chris Hoy in 2008, Wiggo battles for supremacy with Mark Cavendish for top British rider. His fourth place in the Tour de France is a massive achievement, especially considering his previous Grand Tour record, and the best performance by a Briton in the history of the race. The significance of this should not be understimated, although it will be hard to assess whether this ranks higher in the minds of the voters than Cavendish's stage wins. However, at the time of writing the World Time Trial Championships have not yet taken place. Should he win the rainbow stripes, the title of 'world champion' might be enough to push him above Cav in the voting.
My Prediction: 6th
Tom Daley - Diving
Daley's win in the World Aquatics Championships in the 10m platform diving was nothing short of remarkable for this teenager. Not only that, but as far as SPOTY voting is concerned the public like a good story. Daley, at just 14, provides just that. A potential dark horse, but I expect he will still struggle to garner votes in a strong year.
My Prediction: 8th
Stuart Broad - Cricket
As England have won back the Ashes, there has to be a cricketer in the shortlist, and apparent figurehead for the England squad Broad will probably be the main man for the vote. Perhaps captain Strauss would feel aggrieved if he was overlooked for nomination by Broad, but it is the latter player who dominated the headlines and the aftermath of victory. However, Broad - and indeed Strauss - suffer from not being the larger-than-life figure that 2005 SPOTY winner Andrew Flintoff was. Furthermore, having won the Ashes the last time the Aussies visited these shores, the achievement feels less special; certainly the lack of terrestrial coverage or even a victory parade on the scale of 2005 has pushed cricket from the consciousness of the public.
My Prediction: 4th
Wayne Rooney - Football
In a year of record-timing qualification for a World Cup, it only seems fitting that one England football player should make the shortlist. In truth, the team/coach awards seem the way forward for this England team, but group top scorer Wayne Rooney is a potential nominee.
My Prediction: 9th
Alistair Brownlee - Triathlon
Brownlee is one from the leftfield; he earns his place courtesy of his recent World Triathlon Championships series win. Getting in amongst the headlines late in the year is never a bad thing when it comes to SPOTY nominations, as his achievement should be fresh in the memory when the shortlists are being drawn up. However he would be unlikely to poll many votes on the night.
My Prediction: 10th
Other awards:
Team of the year: England cricket team
Coach of the year: Fabio Capello
Overseas sports personality: Usain Bolt
Young sports personality: Heather Watson
But enough of that, what do the professionals think?
Here are the current odds (20th September) on williamhill.com:
Jenson Button 5/4 Jessica Ennis 7/4 Andrew Flintoff 8/1 Andrew Strauss 8/1 Stuart Broad 20/1 Andy Murray 25/1 Phillips Idowu 25/1 David Haye 33/1 Tom Daley 33/1 Amir Khan 40/1 Mark Cavendish 40/1 Graeme Swann 50/1 Lewis Hamilton 66/1 Bradley Wiggins 66/1 Keri-Anne Payne 66/1
...and on ladbrokes.com:
J Button 5/4 J Ennis 7/4 A Flintoff 8/1 A Strauss 8/1 S Broad 16/1 A Murray 25/1 P Idowu 25/1 T Daley 33/1 A Khan 50/1 D Haye 50/1 L Hamilton 50/1 M Cavendish 50/1 R Giggs 66/1
Well I know sod-all about boxing, so I wouldn't be able to assess the likelihood of Haye and Khan in the reckoning. All the bookies have Button as a favourite; that is likely to be cemented if he goes on to win the world title, but his 2008 heartache to 2009 world success is matched by on the night home favourite Ennis. Unbelievably, the virtually anonymous and occasionally injured Flintoff is 8/1 third favourite; it would be astonishing if he even gets a nomination. Mark Cavendish is 7/1 on betfair for a top 3 finish, perhaps I should literally put my money where my mouth is (or at least, laptop keyboard is). How on earth Hamilton, Swann or Giggs are even on the list I shall never know.
Sunday 20 September 2009
Wednesday 16 September 2009
How the pro riders took on the telly chef, and won.
This is a story which has most intrigued me this week. It is a story, in principle, about cyclists. Which is not essentially that interesting, unless you happen to like cycling. More broadly, however, it is about the viral nature of the Web 2.0 world, the collective voice of the otherwise unheard masses and one man who gravely misjudged his own talents.
That man is TV chef and have-a-go motoring journalist, James Martin. Martin wrote an article in the Daily Heil, ostensibly reviewing the Tesla electric sports car, but in which he offered his less than favourable opinion on cyclists. He then closed the article by claiming (whether truthfully or not) that he used the silent electric vehicle to cruise up behind a group of cyclists, pip his horn at them and canter off into the distance, all the while enjoying the sight of seeing the riders pick themsleves out of the nearest hedge.
Up until a couple of years ago, that would have been that. This piece of sub-Clarkson budget journalism might have attracted a couple of letters to the paper, some of which may even have been printed. In the age of social networking, nothing could be more different. It probably started for most people (certainly for me) when reading pro cyclist Bradley Wiggins' Twitter feed, and noticing the number of rude messages relating to the chef-cum-writer. Thankfully he also linked the article, which alerted thousands of amateur riders, Wiggo supporters (and about three old Corrie fans looking for Bradley Walsh) to the attitude of Mr Martin.
This is where the fun began.
The article's comments box on the Daily Heil website was bombarded with angry messages from irate fans and bike riders. The Heil responded by removing the comments and the ability to comment on the article. Not the smartest move by a long stretch. (Only in the days to come, when the anti-Martin campaign was in full swing, did the Heil eventually reinstate the comments and edit the offending paragraph out of the article). A Facebook page was set up, allowing unmoderated wall posts to build up in a matter of hours.
Largely thanks to Twitter, the incident then became a school playground in cyberspace. Robbie McEwen told Lance Armstrong. (Lance didn't reply). McEwen suggested punters might like to 'punch him in the face' if they see him. Wiggo's wife, Cath, also waxed lyrical about the chef. McEwen posted a screengrab of Martin's vastly edited Wikipedia entry; childish, clearly, but another example of the anger suddenly felt towards him.
The story also brings up a wider issue; before the rise of the Internet, was the everyday man on the street bothered about the lack of a way to make an impact, to have his viewed aired so easily? Or have sites like Facebook and Twitter meant that people are more likely to respond, just because they can? Either way, it is fascinating to see how stories can gather momentum unexpectedly, and how the previously untouchable can be held to account more readily and much more spectacularly.
Martin has since been forced to issue an apology. I say 'forced'; it is exactly the kind of platitude one expects to read in such circumstances. I'd wager quite handsomely that I could have written something to exactly the same effect if told the circumstances of the story from afar. But that hasn't stopped the incensed messages, the suggestions of writing to the Heil, his management, the Press Complaints and just about everyone short of Gordon Brown. It hasn't stopped cyclists threatening to gather in mass participation rides either round his house or to/from his workplace. Nor has it stopped people threatening to phone in to his Saturday Kitchen show (under the pretense of asking a cooking question) before unleashing a torrent of abuse live on air. Now I've never watched Saturday Kitchen in my life before. I wouldn't ordinarily wish to give the man the boost in ratings, but I suggest you tune in as I will be; BBC One, 10:00am, Saturday (obviously), just in case...
As a postscript, I would like to offer some of the more choice Tweets on the matter this week:
Bradley Wiggins: (@bradwiggins)
James Martin TV chef, The word cock springs to mind, stick to Ready Steady Twat mate
Give me Something For The Weekend anyday, Chef Simon top fella!
Meal suggestion for this Saturday Kitchen for James Martin, Spotted DICK!
Cath Wiggins: (@cathwiggins)
@bradwiggins or Toad in the (arse)Hole?
heard Ceebeebies had commissioned James Martin for a new post watershed series of the children's favourite: Big Cook Little Cock
one last word..James Martin you peanut dicked knob jockey of a turd pate making shit eating arse wipe I hope you fall in your blender
Robbie McEwen: (@mcewenrobbie)
website of cyclist hater James Martin. Anyone with computer skills feel free to fuck it up! otherwise, leave him nasty messages in geust (sic)
@lancearmstrong maybe you can tweet out for a group ride around where this idiot lives. http://tinyurl.com/mp62jd
As a post-postscript, the offending paragraph has been removed from the article, but quoted in many places, including his Wikipedia entry. For posterity, I reproduce it here:
"...spotted those damned Spider-Man cyclists. Knowing they wouldn't hear me coming, I stepped on the gas, waited until the split second before I overtook them, then gave them an almighty blast on the horn at the exact same time I passed them at speed. The look of sheer terror as they tottered into the hedge was the best thing I've ever seen in my rear-view mirror."
That man is TV chef and have-a-go motoring journalist, James Martin. Martin wrote an article in the Daily Heil, ostensibly reviewing the Tesla electric sports car, but in which he offered his less than favourable opinion on cyclists. He then closed the article by claiming (whether truthfully or not) that he used the silent electric vehicle to cruise up behind a group of cyclists, pip his horn at them and canter off into the distance, all the while enjoying the sight of seeing the riders pick themsleves out of the nearest hedge.
Up until a couple of years ago, that would have been that. This piece of sub-Clarkson budget journalism might have attracted a couple of letters to the paper, some of which may even have been printed. In the age of social networking, nothing could be more different. It probably started for most people (certainly for me) when reading pro cyclist Bradley Wiggins' Twitter feed, and noticing the number of rude messages relating to the chef-cum-writer. Thankfully he also linked the article, which alerted thousands of amateur riders, Wiggo supporters (and about three old Corrie fans looking for Bradley Walsh) to the attitude of Mr Martin.
This is where the fun began.
The article's comments box on the Daily Heil website was bombarded with angry messages from irate fans and bike riders. The Heil responded by removing the comments and the ability to comment on the article. Not the smartest move by a long stretch. (Only in the days to come, when the anti-Martin campaign was in full swing, did the Heil eventually reinstate the comments and edit the offending paragraph out of the article). A Facebook page was set up, allowing unmoderated wall posts to build up in a matter of hours.
Largely thanks to Twitter, the incident then became a school playground in cyberspace. Robbie McEwen told Lance Armstrong. (Lance didn't reply). McEwen suggested punters might like to 'punch him in the face' if they see him. Wiggo's wife, Cath, also waxed lyrical about the chef. McEwen posted a screengrab of Martin's vastly edited Wikipedia entry; childish, clearly, but another example of the anger suddenly felt towards him.
The story also brings up a wider issue; before the rise of the Internet, was the everyday man on the street bothered about the lack of a way to make an impact, to have his viewed aired so easily? Or have sites like Facebook and Twitter meant that people are more likely to respond, just because they can? Either way, it is fascinating to see how stories can gather momentum unexpectedly, and how the previously untouchable can be held to account more readily and much more spectacularly.
Martin has since been forced to issue an apology. I say 'forced'; it is exactly the kind of platitude one expects to read in such circumstances. I'd wager quite handsomely that I could have written something to exactly the same effect if told the circumstances of the story from afar. But that hasn't stopped the incensed messages, the suggestions of writing to the Heil, his management, the Press Complaints and just about everyone short of Gordon Brown. It hasn't stopped cyclists threatening to gather in mass participation rides either round his house or to/from his workplace. Nor has it stopped people threatening to phone in to his Saturday Kitchen show (under the pretense of asking a cooking question) before unleashing a torrent of abuse live on air. Now I've never watched Saturday Kitchen in my life before. I wouldn't ordinarily wish to give the man the boost in ratings, but I suggest you tune in as I will be; BBC One, 10:00am, Saturday (obviously), just in case...
As a postscript, I would like to offer some of the more choice Tweets on the matter this week:
Bradley Wiggins: (@bradwiggins)
James Martin TV chef, The word cock springs to mind, stick to Ready Steady Twat mate
Give me Something For The Weekend anyday, Chef Simon top fella!
Meal suggestion for this Saturday Kitchen for James Martin, Spotted DICK!
Cath Wiggins: (@cathwiggins)
@bradwiggins or Toad in the (arse)Hole?
heard Ceebeebies had commissioned James Martin for a new post watershed series of the children's favourite: Big Cook Little Cock
one last word..James Martin you peanut dicked knob jockey of a turd pate making shit eating arse wipe I hope you fall in your blender
Robbie McEwen: (@mcewenrobbie)
website of cyclist hater James Martin. Anyone with computer skills feel free to fuck it up! otherwise, leave him nasty messages in geust (sic)
@lancearmstrong maybe you can tweet out for a group ride around where this idiot lives. http://tinyurl.com/mp62jd
As a post-postscript, the offending paragraph has been removed from the article, but quoted in many places, including his Wikipedia entry. For posterity, I reproduce it here:
"...spotted those damned Spider-Man cyclists. Knowing they wouldn't hear me coming, I stepped on the gas, waited until the split second before I overtook them, then gave them an almighty blast on the horn at the exact same time I passed them at speed. The look of sheer terror as they tottered into the hedge was the best thing I've ever seen in my rear-view mirror."
Monday 14 September 2009
Some woefully outdated sporting observations...
Athletics
Confusion Reigns?
When the IAAF brought in the one false start rule in 2003, it brought about a state of confusion and misinformation in domestic athletic events that still, for some godforsaken reason, exists six years down the line. Essentially, UK races, run under UKA rules, still conform to the old two false starts per athlete system, unbeknown to a surprisingly large contingent of spectators, parents, even runners. Typical scenario at any local league meet:
Spectator 1 to Spectator 2: “So what happens now?”
Spectator 2 to Spectator 1: “Oh, so they're all on one false start now. So if any-”
Me (irate): “No, that's not how it works, it's still two false starts each”.
Now the IAAF have introduced the no false start rule for 2010. It hasn't been massively publicized; only to those who either read athletics news sources or have watched the BBC coverage will know of this rule change for IAAF events. So from next year, an even greater state of confusion will exist in British athletics; those who know the brand new 2010 rule, (erroneously) correcting those who only know the 2003 rule who are themselves busy giving out wrong information (as above) and those who know the original (right) rule, correcting everyone who'll listen. What fun.
Qualify the easy way.
How do you get through the rounds of a middle-distance championships? Simple – place well early on, get your heels clicked by an opponent (the more inexperienced the better) and hit the deck quicker than Eduardo on his wedding night. Time and again runners fell in heats or semis of the 800m or 1500m in Berlin and were reinstated into the next round. Janeth Jepkosgei, in the first round of the 800m, had a clear case to be allowed passage, as she was in a clear qualifying position with just over 100m to go when she was tripped.
Bram Som's qualification into the final was less clear cut. How, in a close and competitive semi-final and being tripped on the first lap, could one hope to argue their case for progression? The Dutchman didn't even have the dignity to finish the run, giving his legs a few hundred metres extra freshness going into the final. It gets worse; America's Shannon Rowbury fell in the first heat of the 1500m, and in doing so impeded Briton Charlene Thomas, who lost a shoe in the process. Thomas still went on to beat Rowbury in the race, but only the Americans protested, and their charge was duly promoted to the semis.
BBC Fail...
I have final proof of institutional racism occurring within the BBC. Honest. During the coverage of the recent World Championships, the studio team conducted their presentations with, as appears to be de rigeur these days, those vaguely flesh-coloured microphone/headset devices protruding down the side of their faces. At least, I think so, since of course they magically disappear when they are put on – I mean, you can't see them at all, such is the excellence of the disguise at work. Unfortunately for the BBC, all three panelists – Colin Jackson, Michael Johnson and Denise Lewis – are – in – actual – fact – black, rendering the single reason for wearing such a device completely and utterly pointless.
Tennis
Andy Murray got in, then got out in the US Open, although of course nobody cares. The football season's started by now, and in any case it isn't Wimbledon, so it's not a proper competition anyway. As we all know, the British public are, when it comes to tennis, by and large quite useless. Most wouldn't know their Challenger tournaments from their Masters Series, their Ferreira from their Ferrero, their Mardy Fish from, from...well God knows, really. Come off it, that's not a real name.
I digress somewhat. While your average bloke down the pub is well aware of the week-to-week ramifications of three points here, goal difference there, the workings of the 52-week rolling ATP World Rankings system is not likely to figure on his sporting radar. Of course, this mug here is the one likely to be sat at a computer, match live score ticking in the background, thinking, 'right, so Murray's defending this many points, so he needs at least a quarter final to...' and so on.
“What, they have 52-week rankings?” says the man down the pub. “You mean to say that tennis is played at other times of the year other than June? Jeez, I thought it was just something they put on telly when the footy's not on. Of course, there's a major tournament every two years, and England usually get there, and at least to the knockout stages, so I probably won't be watching tennis then anyway”.
“Well-” I reply.
“And another thing”, the hypothetical bloke would continue, were he real, “That bloody Murray, banging on and on and bloody on about bloody Scotland, and how he hates England and hopes England lose, well I'll be supporting anyone but him from now on. Who's he playing?”
“Ernest Gulbis. Of Latvia.”
“Right, let me see. I'm sure there's a Latvian flag around here somewhere. Come on Gulliver – er, what's his name again?”
Actually, I did overhear once and old woman talking on the bus, around Wimbledon time, saying how she won't be supporting Murray because of the Davis Cup and how he never plays in it. She's much rather root for Federer. Because he always plays Davis Cup ties. Plans his season round them, he does.
Is there a British sportsperson who polarises opinion like Andy Murray? I'd like to know...
Cycling
Brit-watch
Sky (the television company) have a reputation of splashing the cash, coming in and buying up all the big names from all sources. In a neat parallel, it seems that the new pro cycling squad to whom they have given their name are up to the same business. Hopefully they will actually get (as it is expected they will) the ProTour licence to justify the big money. Otherwise they will end up mirroring the other character trait of Sky TV – all the names, but no-one gets to see them.
Finally, at 31, Russell Downing (pictured above) gets his shot at the big time, after putting away the Continental pros in the Tour of Ireland (including Lance Armstrong, who took one look at St Patrick's Hill through the rain in Cork and thought 'Bugger that for a game of soldiers'). Although Sky should sign up Downing's current teammate Malcolm Elliott, just for a laugh if nothing else. At 48 he makes Armstrong look like Robbie McEwan's son (who he called Ewan, the plonker). He's still sprinting with the rest, recording top 10 stage finishes in this week's Tour of Britain against guys practically young enough to be his sons.
Also, I'm surprised no-one's mentioned Kristian House to move Sky-wards (sorry). Surely a British squad would want to have the British road race champion in the peloton, if only for the opportunity to show off the national champion's jersey with Sky motifs? There is of course, one other British Champion, Bradley Wiggins (who earned his winner's jersey in the recent national time trial champs) who has been under constant speculation of a move to Sky. He has repeatedly and categorically denied any such move on his Twitter page; I can only hope for his sake he's staying put at Garmin, otherwise after comments such as these gems below, @bradwiggins will be up for a serious climbdown:
“A huge anti-climax is heading the press's way, such a shame, for the sake of being just not stirring the shit, oh look the Vuelta's on!”
“@cyclingweekly, please stop stirring the shit pile, it was a black TEAM GARMIN hoodie, cheers”
“Twitpic is for CW benefit, Team Garmin rule woopty bloody doo!”
Football
The last day of the football transfer window is one of frantic activity; some managers going on the offensive, looking for that final signing to complete the jigsaw, others trying to fend off other teams with everything they can, up to and including using sticks to beat away opposing managers looking to prise away their star player.
So who do my Burnley side go and sign? David Nugent. As a reasonably prolific striker for Lancashire rivals Preston, no man has been subjected to more abuse at Turf Moor this century than the England international (in the loosest possible sense – came on as a substitute in a friendly and poached a goal literally on the line). I'm prepared to wager that half of the Longside will still want to chant, 'Same old Nugent, always cheating' the first time he tries to win us a penalty.
And Finally...
Sporting Masterclasses Not Coming Soon To BBC Sport:
Make The Most Of Your Powerplays With Andrew Strauss
How To Dip Effectively With The GB Middle Distance Women
Grab Your Opportunity With Luca Badoer
...any more?
Epic Historic Sporting Fail
Lindsay Jacobellis loses the gold in the 2006 Winter Olympics Snowboard Cross in style...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPCOin3l8OY
Confusion Reigns?
When the IAAF brought in the one false start rule in 2003, it brought about a state of confusion and misinformation in domestic athletic events that still, for some godforsaken reason, exists six years down the line. Essentially, UK races, run under UKA rules, still conform to the old two false starts per athlete system, unbeknown to a surprisingly large contingent of spectators, parents, even runners. Typical scenario at any local league meet:
Spectator 1 to Spectator 2: “So what happens now?”
Spectator 2 to Spectator 1: “Oh, so they're all on one false start now. So if any-”
Me (irate): “No, that's not how it works, it's still two false starts each”.
Now the IAAF have introduced the no false start rule for 2010. It hasn't been massively publicized; only to those who either read athletics news sources or have watched the BBC coverage will know of this rule change for IAAF events. So from next year, an even greater state of confusion will exist in British athletics; those who know the brand new 2010 rule, (erroneously) correcting those who only know the 2003 rule who are themselves busy giving out wrong information (as above) and those who know the original (right) rule, correcting everyone who'll listen. What fun.
Qualify the easy way.
How do you get through the rounds of a middle-distance championships? Simple – place well early on, get your heels clicked by an opponent (the more inexperienced the better) and hit the deck quicker than Eduardo on his wedding night. Time and again runners fell in heats or semis of the 800m or 1500m in Berlin and were reinstated into the next round. Janeth Jepkosgei, in the first round of the 800m, had a clear case to be allowed passage, as she was in a clear qualifying position with just over 100m to go when she was tripped.
Bram Som's qualification into the final was less clear cut. How, in a close and competitive semi-final and being tripped on the first lap, could one hope to argue their case for progression? The Dutchman didn't even have the dignity to finish the run, giving his legs a few hundred metres extra freshness going into the final. It gets worse; America's Shannon Rowbury fell in the first heat of the 1500m, and in doing so impeded Briton Charlene Thomas, who lost a shoe in the process. Thomas still went on to beat Rowbury in the race, but only the Americans protested, and their charge was duly promoted to the semis.
BBC Fail...
I have final proof of institutional racism occurring within the BBC. Honest. During the coverage of the recent World Championships, the studio team conducted their presentations with, as appears to be de rigeur these days, those vaguely flesh-coloured microphone/headset devices protruding down the side of their faces. At least, I think so, since of course they magically disappear when they are put on – I mean, you can't see them at all, such is the excellence of the disguise at work. Unfortunately for the BBC, all three panelists – Colin Jackson, Michael Johnson and Denise Lewis – are – in – actual – fact – black, rendering the single reason for wearing such a device completely and utterly pointless.
Tennis
Andy Murray got in, then got out in the US Open, although of course nobody cares. The football season's started by now, and in any case it isn't Wimbledon, so it's not a proper competition anyway. As we all know, the British public are, when it comes to tennis, by and large quite useless. Most wouldn't know their Challenger tournaments from their Masters Series, their Ferreira from their Ferrero, their Mardy Fish from, from...well God knows, really. Come off it, that's not a real name.
I digress somewhat. While your average bloke down the pub is well aware of the week-to-week ramifications of three points here, goal difference there, the workings of the 52-week rolling ATP World Rankings system is not likely to figure on his sporting radar. Of course, this mug here is the one likely to be sat at a computer, match live score ticking in the background, thinking, 'right, so Murray's defending this many points, so he needs at least a quarter final to...' and so on.
“What, they have 52-week rankings?” says the man down the pub. “You mean to say that tennis is played at other times of the year other than June? Jeez, I thought it was just something they put on telly when the footy's not on. Of course, there's a major tournament every two years, and England usually get there, and at least to the knockout stages, so I probably won't be watching tennis then anyway”.
“Well-” I reply.
“And another thing”, the hypothetical bloke would continue, were he real, “That bloody Murray, banging on and on and bloody on about bloody Scotland, and how he hates England and hopes England lose, well I'll be supporting anyone but him from now on. Who's he playing?”
“Ernest Gulbis. Of Latvia.”
“Right, let me see. I'm sure there's a Latvian flag around here somewhere. Come on Gulliver – er, what's his name again?”
Actually, I did overhear once and old woman talking on the bus, around Wimbledon time, saying how she won't be supporting Murray because of the Davis Cup and how he never plays in it. She's much rather root for Federer. Because he always plays Davis Cup ties. Plans his season round them, he does.
Is there a British sportsperson who polarises opinion like Andy Murray? I'd like to know...
Cycling
Brit-watch
Sky (the television company) have a reputation of splashing the cash, coming in and buying up all the big names from all sources. In a neat parallel, it seems that the new pro cycling squad to whom they have given their name are up to the same business. Hopefully they will actually get (as it is expected they will) the ProTour licence to justify the big money. Otherwise they will end up mirroring the other character trait of Sky TV – all the names, but no-one gets to see them.
Finally, at 31, Russell Downing (pictured above) gets his shot at the big time, after putting away the Continental pros in the Tour of Ireland (including Lance Armstrong, who took one look at St Patrick's Hill through the rain in Cork and thought 'Bugger that for a game of soldiers'). Although Sky should sign up Downing's current teammate Malcolm Elliott, just for a laugh if nothing else. At 48 he makes Armstrong look like Robbie McEwan's son (who he called Ewan, the plonker). He's still sprinting with the rest, recording top 10 stage finishes in this week's Tour of Britain against guys practically young enough to be his sons.
Also, I'm surprised no-one's mentioned Kristian House to move Sky-wards (sorry). Surely a British squad would want to have the British road race champion in the peloton, if only for the opportunity to show off the national champion's jersey with Sky motifs? There is of course, one other British Champion, Bradley Wiggins (who earned his winner's jersey in the recent national time trial champs) who has been under constant speculation of a move to Sky. He has repeatedly and categorically denied any such move on his Twitter page; I can only hope for his sake he's staying put at Garmin, otherwise after comments such as these gems below, @bradwiggins will be up for a serious climbdown:
“A huge anti-climax is heading the press's way, such a shame, for the sake of being just not stirring the shit, oh look the Vuelta's on!”
“@cyclingweekly, please stop stirring the shit pile, it was a black TEAM GARMIN hoodie, cheers”
“Twitpic is for CW benefit, Team Garmin rule woopty bloody doo!”
Football
The last day of the football transfer window is one of frantic activity; some managers going on the offensive, looking for that final signing to complete the jigsaw, others trying to fend off other teams with everything they can, up to and including using sticks to beat away opposing managers looking to prise away their star player.
So who do my Burnley side go and sign? David Nugent. As a reasonably prolific striker for Lancashire rivals Preston, no man has been subjected to more abuse at Turf Moor this century than the England international (in the loosest possible sense – came on as a substitute in a friendly and poached a goal literally on the line). I'm prepared to wager that half of the Longside will still want to chant, 'Same old Nugent, always cheating' the first time he tries to win us a penalty.
And Finally...
Sporting Masterclasses Not Coming Soon To BBC Sport:
Make The Most Of Your Powerplays With Andrew Strauss
How To Dip Effectively With The GB Middle Distance Women
Grab Your Opportunity With Luca Badoer
...any more?
Epic Historic Sporting Fail
Lindsay Jacobellis loses the gold in the 2006 Winter Olympics Snowboard Cross in style...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPCOin3l8OY
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