Now, I'm nobody's Simon Cowell fan, but I'm starting to think that the latest anti-X Factor/Syco (pronounced as 'Psycho' rather than my choice of 'Sicko', either way it's no win) protest is as predictable as it is tiresome. I'm not exactly bowled over at the prospect of Geordie Joe romping to the Christmas number 1, before the inevitably dull album release and the eventual career on the West End. I even bought into the previous year's Facebook campaign, the one where we were all supposed to go out and buy (actually, sit in and download) Jeff Buckley's version of 'Hallelujah' over the Alexandra Burke version.
But I'm starting to wonder, if there is any time of the year that we should lie down and give in to the crass commercialisation of popular music, then it's Christmas? After all, crass commercialisation is what Christmas has come to be associated with. The charts are likely to be filled with the same Christmas songs that have been doing the rounds for the last however many years. Christmas is the time of the year where people who know nothing about music buy albums for other people who know nothing about music and occasionally not actually from Tesco. Expect the impossibly bland housewives' favourite, Mickey Bubble, or whatever he's called, to be up there in the album charts alongside Lady GaGa and Susan Boyle, an unlikely threesome indeed (in all possible senses of the word). The prospect of the musical puppet McElderry topping the singles chart come the 25th is, in many ways, a perfect microcosm of a society in which we rush round trying to find the latest fad item to hastily wrap for our loved ones on the big day, before being even more hastily discarded/returned with the receipt/consigned to the shed on the 26th.
It is into this melee that the latest Facebook protest has arrived, in the form of Rage Against The Machine's 1992 song 'Killing in the Name', and our supposed purchase thereof. Someone, somewhere has presumably decided this would be incredibly clever to have as a song blaring out of our stereos over Christmas. As a title it is the worst there has been for a Christmas song (as it now is) since The Darkness released one containing 'bells end' in the title (a fact I believe singer Justin Hawkins said he was proud of). More worryingly, the song is dreadful. Seriously dreadful. It is the sort of utter wank that almost certainly influenced the early-noughties rise of nu-metal, and for that reason this song should be left in the vaults of music history and forgotten about.
Championing RATM over Cowell and his charges is exactly the kind of pseudo-edgy thing you'd do if you think rebelling is only buying the Fairtrade chocolate from your local Waitrose. Digging up a song from nearly two decades ago from a hugely successful band and lining their already deep pockets is not, in any way, shape or form, an act of protest - especially given the current bustling, burgeoning and varied UK indie scene producing a stream of great, unheard music (and by indie I mean the plethora of smaller, independent acts likely to be playing your nearest toilet venue and plugging their 7" single on MySpace).
But, say the protesters, it's about Cowell controlling the charts. Yes, he is to some extent, but if the only way to protest is by buying a single specific song which I might not happen to like, thankyouverymuch, then you can keep it. Sorry to say it, but the charts are and will continue dominated by Cowell and the major labels, and have always been. There's little we can do about that, and why would we want to? The charts are not about recognising true talent, they're about who has the biggest marketing budget and can pull a few strings with the radio giants, a two-pronged attack which will inevitably translate into sales. If that is what the protest is against, then I'm sorry, you've lost. Irretrievably so.
So this Christmas, I will be protesting against protesting. That is to say, do nothing at all and just enjoy Christmas for what it is. I invite you to do the same.
Monday 14 December 2009
Monday 7 December 2009
Athletics - it's all about the little victories.
Very few will ever get to reach the heights of pulling on the national vest for a major international event. For the rest of us, it's all about those little victories; boosting your profile by scooping up the successes behind the headlines. Here are some handy hints to Officially Make You A Better Athlete (TM):
1. If someone asks for where you are ranked in the country, quote your English ranking instead of your UK one for an instant position hike. You can find out this ranking (and many more) by logging in on the Power of 10 rankings page, or instantly on the TOPS site.
2. Compete in one of many events of varying obscurity. These can be either standard ones like 400m hurdles (of course), steeplechase, pole vault or hammer - mop up those county titles - or non-standard race distances like 300m, 600m or similar. My personal favourite is the 200m hurdles, probably run three or four times a year, followed by the double decathlon (Google it).
3. Race indoors. As a rule of thumb, your UK indoor ranking for a given performance is roughly one order of magnitude better than it would have been had you run the same time outdoors.
4. Why not combine points 2 and 3 and run a rarely-raced distance indoors? National top-ten glory surely awaits.
5. Race in Welsh/Scottish/Irish championships (they're usually open) for a boost to your national champs credentials - and say you've raced in another country as a bonus. Alternatively race in national race-walking/combined events competitions.
6. Race in the above, the Northerns/Southerns/Midlands or major open meetings like the Birmingham Games and UK Cross Challenge races and perhaps draw an international figure for a great start-line (let's face it, not the finish line) photo and a name to drop in the future when you're sat at home eating Pringles and watching the Olympics on telly.
1. If someone asks for where you are ranked in the country, quote your English ranking instead of your UK one for an instant position hike. You can find out this ranking (and many more) by logging in on the Power of 10 rankings page, or instantly on the TOPS site.
2. Compete in one of many events of varying obscurity. These can be either standard ones like 400m hurdles (of course), steeplechase, pole vault or hammer - mop up those county titles - or non-standard race distances like 300m, 600m or similar. My personal favourite is the 200m hurdles, probably run three or four times a year, followed by the double decathlon (Google it).
3. Race indoors. As a rule of thumb, your UK indoor ranking for a given performance is roughly one order of magnitude better than it would have been had you run the same time outdoors.
4. Why not combine points 2 and 3 and run a rarely-raced distance indoors? National top-ten glory surely awaits.
5. Race in Welsh/Scottish/Irish championships (they're usually open) for a boost to your national champs credentials - and say you've raced in another country as a bonus. Alternatively race in national race-walking/combined events competitions.
6. Race in the above, the Northerns/Southerns/Midlands or major open meetings like the Birmingham Games and UK Cross Challenge races and perhaps draw an international figure for a great start-line (let's face it, not the finish line) photo and a name to drop in the future when you're sat at home eating Pringles and watching the Olympics on telly.
Thursday 26 November 2009
Ranthology #2 - The Wonderful English Language
Classified ads are a great place to find people taking liberties with language. People always talk about having a 'Genuine reason for sale'. As opposed to what, an artificial reason? I don't want to be buying a car, ask why it is being sold and have the man go, 'Well, next week I'm moving to Kazakhstan with Dame Kelly Holmes and our 16 illegitimate children. I don't need the car; we're riding there on a cart pulled by Red Rum and Shergar'.
The problem with those adverts is that you have a limited number of words, so short, familiar phrases like this are used. These limitations causes further problems. The best advert I ever saw was in a cycling magazine. I think it was advertising a bike, although it could have been the Virgin Mary. It started off alright, a couple of lines describing the bike. Then it said, 'Genuine reason for sale. Never ridden, wife is pregnant'.
I rang him up anyway, because I was interested in buying a bike. He said 'have you got anywhere to put it?' - I said 'Well I've got room in the stable, I suppose'.
It frightens me just how many uses of the word 'fuck' there somehow happens to be. But how is it actually possible to 'shut the fuck up?' What, exactly, is the 'fuck' in this context? It could only be some sort of German suitcase manufacturer I've never heard of. As in:
'Right, darling, so I've packed the clothes, the suncream and the travellers' cheques. What should I do now?'
'Oh, just shut the fuck up, will you?!'
'Okay, done that, now what?'
'Now get the fuck out of here!'
That could work, I guess.
People go on about how friends, couples and partners apparently get on 'like a house on fire'. Well excuse me. I've watched the news - I've seen houses on fire. I happen to know that's not an experience you'd be happy to replicate. It doesn't work the other way round though. People don't go, 'Well, my house burnt down like a very cute couple'.
I suppose its something about the metaphorical 'heat' or 'sparks' that two people experience when they are together.
Anyway, I knew a guy who was going out with this quite wonderful girl who people said that about, and I was really, really jealous of him. Even I joined in however, saying that they were just like a house on fire. And I suppose I was right to say so, because she was hot and he asphyxiated to death in his sleep.
The court case hasn't come up yet and anyway, I have an alibi.
The problem with those adverts is that you have a limited number of words, so short, familiar phrases like this are used. These limitations causes further problems. The best advert I ever saw was in a cycling magazine. I think it was advertising a bike, although it could have been the Virgin Mary. It started off alright, a couple of lines describing the bike. Then it said, 'Genuine reason for sale. Never ridden, wife is pregnant'.
I rang him up anyway, because I was interested in buying a bike. He said 'have you got anywhere to put it?' - I said 'Well I've got room in the stable, I suppose'.
It frightens me just how many uses of the word 'fuck' there somehow happens to be. But how is it actually possible to 'shut the fuck up?' What, exactly, is the 'fuck' in this context? It could only be some sort of German suitcase manufacturer I've never heard of. As in:
'Right, darling, so I've packed the clothes, the suncream and the travellers' cheques. What should I do now?'
'Oh, just shut the fuck up, will you?!'
'Okay, done that, now what?'
'Now get the fuck out of here!'
That could work, I guess.
People go on about how friends, couples and partners apparently get on 'like a house on fire'. Well excuse me. I've watched the news - I've seen houses on fire. I happen to know that's not an experience you'd be happy to replicate. It doesn't work the other way round though. People don't go, 'Well, my house burnt down like a very cute couple'.
I suppose its something about the metaphorical 'heat' or 'sparks' that two people experience when they are together.
Anyway, I knew a guy who was going out with this quite wonderful girl who people said that about, and I was really, really jealous of him. Even I joined in however, saying that they were just like a house on fire. And I suppose I was right to say so, because she was hot and he asphyxiated to death in his sleep.
The court case hasn't come up yet and anyway, I have an alibi.
Sunday 15 November 2009
Ranthology #1 - Standards.
I hate how people abbreviate TV programmes to just one word. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire is just 'Millionaire', Coronation Street is just 'Corrie', Strictly Come Dancing is just...bollocks.
It is though.
The one that irritates me the most though is Deal or no Deal. Just four short words and you can't be arsed even with those? So people shorten it to just 'Deal'. Even the continuity announcer on Channel 4 does it:
'Now on Channel 4, it's time for Deal'.
This confused me the first time I heard it, because I thought they'd just changed the rules.
Sort of, '22 boxes, a quarter of a million pounds, just one question. 'Deal?'
That seems like an unnecessarily harsh version of the programme, I mean I know there's a credit crunch on and all, but...That's not even the same show anymore, just Noel Edmonds going, 'Right, we're going to give you a tenner, and you can take it and you can fuck off. - go on, get out of here'.
The same drop in standards can be seen everywhere. Even in supermarkets. You go into Tesco now and you're supposed to do your own checkouts. That's bad enough, but they also expect you to take your own bags every time you go shopping - and you should, by the way.
These things wouldn't be so bad on their own, but put them together and it causes problems. Typical scenario:
You go into Tesco - with your bags - pick up a basket and go round the shop putting stuff into the basket. You come to the checkouts, you put your basket on one side, put your bags on the other side, put your stuff through the scanner. You're just about to put the first item into your bag and the machine does this:
'Unexpected item in bagging area. Unexpected item in bagging area.'
And you find yourself going - UNEXPECTED? IT'S A BAG! IT'S A BAG, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
I mean, of all the things you would expect to find, in a bagging area, I'd have thought that a bag would be pretty high up on the list. If you'd had said to me you'd put a traffic cone on there, maybe, I don't know, the head of a crocodile and Barack Obama's left testicle, then yeah, I'd have said that was unexpected as well.
It'd also be a bit...weird. For one thing, how did they scan through?
It's fine though, because I've started getting my own back on them. You know how, each time you shop and re-use a bag, you get a Clubcard point? Well, that's really worked out for me, because I now do all of my shopping one item at a time. I now have enough Clubcard points to actually buy Tesco, which is nice.
It is though.
The one that irritates me the most though is Deal or no Deal. Just four short words and you can't be arsed even with those? So people shorten it to just 'Deal'. Even the continuity announcer on Channel 4 does it:
'Now on Channel 4, it's time for Deal'.
This confused me the first time I heard it, because I thought they'd just changed the rules.
Sort of, '22 boxes, a quarter of a million pounds, just one question. 'Deal?'
That seems like an unnecessarily harsh version of the programme, I mean I know there's a credit crunch on and all, but...That's not even the same show anymore, just Noel Edmonds going, 'Right, we're going to give you a tenner, and you can take it and you can fuck off. - go on, get out of here'.
The same drop in standards can be seen everywhere. Even in supermarkets. You go into Tesco now and you're supposed to do your own checkouts. That's bad enough, but they also expect you to take your own bags every time you go shopping - and you should, by the way.
These things wouldn't be so bad on their own, but put them together and it causes problems. Typical scenario:
You go into Tesco - with your bags - pick up a basket and go round the shop putting stuff into the basket. You come to the checkouts, you put your basket on one side, put your bags on the other side, put your stuff through the scanner. You're just about to put the first item into your bag and the machine does this:
'Unexpected item in bagging area. Unexpected item in bagging area.'
And you find yourself going - UNEXPECTED? IT'S A BAG! IT'S A BAG, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
I mean, of all the things you would expect to find, in a bagging area, I'd have thought that a bag would be pretty high up on the list. If you'd had said to me you'd put a traffic cone on there, maybe, I don't know, the head of a crocodile and Barack Obama's left testicle, then yeah, I'd have said that was unexpected as well.
It'd also be a bit...weird. For one thing, how did they scan through?
It's fine though, because I've started getting my own back on them. You know how, each time you shop and re-use a bag, you get a Clubcard point? Well, that's really worked out for me, because I now do all of my shopping one item at a time. I now have enough Clubcard points to actually buy Tesco, which is nice.
Saturday 31 October 2009
Grammatics - Double Negative
Oh shit. I didn't want to do this. It looks I'm going to be forced to say that Grammatics' new single is a little bit...sassy.
I hate myself. Really I do. It is a phrase mostly applied to lowest-common-denominator chav-'n'-b that dominates the top 40.
But the way that minimalistic intro shuffles into view, a simple vocal melody leading into a bass-oriented verse, provides a platform for singer Owen to flex his silky vocal chords in a slightly sultry fashion. Lyrics about 'heavenly letting go' and 'we could do somethine we'd never desired to try'. Oo er. Thankfully, however, no Grammatics song ever goes from A to B without passing X, Y, μ, γ and π on the way. The chorus lifts the song up another hip-swinging gear, with its 'Hey sugar!' line at once a surprise and a highlight, before taking a solid lurch to the left(field) - not the band - with a sprawling middle eight section (that seems to end up as a second, independent chorus). Oh how I struggle trying to apply conventional pop song structures to a track like this. Here the band explore the dreamier, more expansive side of their soundscape, coming over like a dancier Mew, as guitar and cello once again resume their uneasy but devastatingly effective marriage.
The thunderous drum pattern (which will probably draw more unfavourable - and entirely wrong - Foals comparisons) which underpins the entire song gets star billing for a moment towards the end before another blast of that second chorus. The drums on this record have been captured brilliantly, prominent in the mix and sounding full enough to almost appear as if the band are actually live on your stereo.
Grammatics remain a classic Marmite band (another bloody phrase I hate myself for using); albeit a Marmite which few have been exposed to yet. This is 'pop' music crafted the way it should be. This is not a song to drift by in the background. It is fresh, exciting and just a little bit different. Give it a try, you might have found your new favourite band.
9/10
'Double Negative' is available on 7" vinyl and download. A clip is available to stream on their website or their MySpace.
I hate myself. Really I do. It is a phrase mostly applied to lowest-common-denominator chav-'n'-b that dominates the top 40.
But the way that minimalistic intro shuffles into view, a simple vocal melody leading into a bass-oriented verse, provides a platform for singer Owen to flex his silky vocal chords in a slightly sultry fashion. Lyrics about 'heavenly letting go' and 'we could do somethine we'd never desired to try'. Oo er. Thankfully, however, no Grammatics song ever goes from A to B without passing X, Y, μ, γ and π on the way. The chorus lifts the song up another hip-swinging gear, with its 'Hey sugar!' line at once a surprise and a highlight, before taking a solid lurch to the left(field) - not the band - with a sprawling middle eight section (that seems to end up as a second, independent chorus). Oh how I struggle trying to apply conventional pop song structures to a track like this. Here the band explore the dreamier, more expansive side of their soundscape, coming over like a dancier Mew, as guitar and cello once again resume their uneasy but devastatingly effective marriage.
The thunderous drum pattern (which will probably draw more unfavourable - and entirely wrong - Foals comparisons) which underpins the entire song gets star billing for a moment towards the end before another blast of that second chorus. The drums on this record have been captured brilliantly, prominent in the mix and sounding full enough to almost appear as if the band are actually live on your stereo.
Grammatics remain a classic Marmite band (another bloody phrase I hate myself for using); albeit a Marmite which few have been exposed to yet. This is 'pop' music crafted the way it should be. This is not a song to drift by in the background. It is fresh, exciting and just a little bit different. Give it a try, you might have found your new favourite band.
9/10
'Double Negative' is available on 7" vinyl and download. A clip is available to stream on their website or their MySpace.
Tuesday 27 October 2009
Some opinions from the last few weeks in sport...or a small subset of it, at least.
In this edition:
Football - on Burnley (briefly), England and the World Cup.
Motorsport - Button - a worthy champion, 'Crashgate'.
Tennis - Andy Murray, just leave him be, part 11023.
And finally... - Silly names, silly puns and silly videos. Altogether rather silly.
Football.
In an earlier blog, I noted the peculiarity that was David Nugent signing for Burnley. Well, the sight of Burnley recording what may well be their biggest Premiership win of the whole season against Sunderland – three goals scored by two ex-Preston players – was a turn of events so bizarre I'm quite surprised the Rift didn't open under Turf Moor.
So England are off to the World Cup, amid a blaze of hype about this being our best chance yet to bring home the trophy (© the red tops 1997, 2001, 2005). Here we go again. Forgive me for being a tad cynical; all we've done to reach the finals is win two matches. Yes, you heard me right. Those matches are; v. Croatia (home) and v. Croatia (away). All the rest should be gimmes, quite honestly. Considering that A. this is supposed to be our national sport, B. the money poured into the Premiership (or EPL if you're from outside these shores) and C. the wealth (pun intended) of talent we admittedly have in this country, all the games not involving Croatia in this qualifying group bloody well ought to be put to bed by our players. Anything less is just laziness. Even beating Croatia is not exactly up there with historic footballing legend; so they once finished third in the World Cup? Big deal. Only the fact that England lost to them last time (in qualifying for Euro 2008), when they really shouldn't have done, has built up a fervour over beating a team that hasn't done anything in world football for a good decade into it being an achievement unto itself. Which it is not.
In the time since the last World Cup, English (and in some cases, British) sport has found a new level - GB+NI have finished fourth in the Olympic medal table, had two F1 world champions, had its best World Athletics championships since 1993 and been athletics (men's) Europa Cup champions, found its most successful tennis player in the Open era, dominated track cycling and uncovered two road stars, a first world diving champion and made names in swimming, in the pool and on open water. The football team's closest counterparts, the England rugby union team, defied expectation to reach the World Cup final and put up a great fight therein.
England's football team, meanwhile, has failed to make the last 16 teams in Europe for the one major tournament in that intervening period. They have now cemented their place amongst the last thirty-two names in the world, at the expense of those sleeping giants of the global game Andorra and Belarus. While I accept that they as a team have looked good in those games, putting away teams seemingly with a new found confidence and professionalism (well for all that money they fucking ought to be professional about it!). The first test comes against Brazil in the Middle East (because that isn't about the money at all); then the hard work actually begins. So far, the England National Football Team have achieved precisely this much:
________________________
End.
Motorsport.
Jenson Button. How can a man who won six Grands Prix in a season have his world title questioned - especially when no other driver has won more than two? Not only that, but he has been able to produce recovery drives when his qualifying performance has admittedly gone off the boil. His drive to secure the title was worthy of a champion - risky overtaking manoeuvres on Grosjean, Nakajima, Kobiyashi and Buemi (the latter from a car length's back - how on earth did he manage to brake so late?) showed unbelievable skill and mettle in a pressure situation sans pareil.
Furthermore, if Button doesn't deserve to win, then who does? Barrichello, for being AWOL when the Brawn was at its best? Vettel, who made errors at critical moments (eg at Turkey when he really should have won from pole) or Webber, quick on his day but just too inconsistent? If anyone pulls out the old 'he only won because of the car' - go and watch some fucking F1 and come back with something better. Champions in this sport are always made from a weighted sum of car and driver capability. When Nigel Mansell won in 1992 it was the culmination of a talented driver having a long career near the front, but with the destructively quick FW14B at his hands and feet, active suspension and all.
Anyone who has watched Jenson (as I have) from 2000, when he made his debut, would recognise a driver whose smooth driving style means he gets the best out of a good car, but is less able to make a bad car drive well, unlike say Hamilton who likes a tail-happy car anyway. But remember, champions always come from good cars, so Jenson's style meant that he would be up there with the best this season. Recall for instance Imola 2004, when Button put his Honda on pole and drove away from Schumacher in the first stint, (albeit on a slightly lighter fuel load) - Schumi referred to his pace as 'mind-blowing'. Compliments like those aren't handed out like penny sweets in the playground.
Jenson's world title has been the hardest to win - an early lead whittled away while the other teams caught up has left us on tenterhooks for months and put him under incredile pressure. More pressure, I suspect, than most of us would be able to handle. That alone should be reason enough to deflect criticisms of worthiness for his world title.
***
The main story of recent F1 was actually 'Crashgate'. Erstwhile Formula One commentator James Allen was a great fan of game theory, and specifically its application to a Grand Prix. He would get very excited about the boffins and their computers back in the team factory, running through different scenarios and plotting their outcomes. He would talk about the unusual strategies employed by teams 'out of position' on the grid. Most ironically, he would hold up Renault and Nelson Piquet Jr's one-stop strategy in Germany in 2008 as the gold standard on the subject; the one which vaulted him from his 17th starting slot to an eventual 2nd, thanks to a timely safety car.
Well it seems the Renault team decided to take the idea a stage or two further a few weeks later in Singapore. Under the floodlights, team bosses Flavio Briatore and Pat Symmonds (according to Piquet Jr. and his father) asked Piquet Jr. to crash in order to bring out the safety car – timed straight after teammate Fernando Alonso's pit stop, which allowed him to take the lead since all other teams would pit under the safety car conditions.
Can I make one thing clear though: it is not really race fixing, is it? Fixing implies that all the variables that make sport what it is have been influenced to such a degree as to be nullified; this necessarily includes those normally outside the participants' jurisdiction (in this case, the Renault team). In this case, 'all' Renault did was to use one of their own team members to maximise their chances of victory.
From a purely sporting perspective, Renault therefore did nothing hugely out of the ordinary. It is no more 'fixing' the outcome of a race than using the second driver to back the field up, while the lead driver scampers off into the distance. How many times has commentator Martin Brundle referred to the teammate as a 'rear-gunner' for his leader? Perhaps Brawn should be hauled in front of the FIA when Jenson Button won the Monaco Grand Prix by virtue of his teammate being slow enough to allow Button to open up a large gap in the first stint before his pit stop.
That is not to say that what Renault did does not cross a line, however. Asking a driver to crash is presumptuous in the extreme; although the safety levels in F1 have improved considerably, a car crash is an inherently unpredictable event, even with one of the world's most skilled drivers at the helm. Young Henry Surtees was killed as a result of a freak occurance in an accident earlier this year in a Formula Two race; how can any team boss risk this of their driver?
Renault got away lightly with the punishment; a suspended sentence rather than a fine. McLaren's involvement in the also-lazily titled 'Spygate' scandal of 2007 cost them $100m (interestingly, Renault were also implicated, but not punished). Perhaps with Renault reputedly on the edge of pulling out of the sport altogether, the result is not a surprise, especially since that figure may well run a team for two whole seasons in years to come.
Tennis.
Andy Murray. Again. Sorry, Murray haters. I know there's a lot of you.
So Murray played in the Davis Cup with a slight wrist injury, and aggrevates it to the point of having to pull out of Tour tournaments - including the Shanghai Masters. He'll be losing a stack of ranking points in the process in this, the indoor hard court leg of the World Tour (at which Murray is arguably the best in the world and is defending 3 titles including two Masters). All to try and fight a losing cause for a team whose credentials are of practically no worth at all. Now that they have been relegated to Euro/Africa Zone II, I hope Murray gives up on Davis Cup altogether. Now can you please get off his back and let him get on with it?
Dan'sWide Weird World of Sport
5 really silly names for sports teams:
Super Aguri (Formula One)
Evidently anything but super.
Total Network Solutions (now The New Saints) (Football)
Led to Sky Sports' Jeff Stelling's joke "They'll be dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight!"
Wakefield Trinity Wildcats (Rugby League)
Either name on its own would be bad enough, but both together? And the inclusion of 'Trinity' spoils the alliteration, surely the only reason for a name like 'Wildcats' in the first place.
Brisbane Roar (formerly Queensland Roar) (Football)
The fans of also-stupidly-named Perth Glory would chant 'Queensland Roar is a fucking stupid name, a fucking stupid name...'
Serramenti PVC Diquigiovanni-Androni Giocattoli (Cycling)
Just too long.
Ridiculously contrived sporting puns.
When Manchester United first won the Premiership and FA Cup in the same season, it was largely attributed to the state of the Old Trafford pitch, which was often compared to an Arctic area of permafrost. Commentators said they did the Double on tundra.
The tennis player jumped out of bed in the afternoon, having slept in. Rushing down to the tournament grounds he looked at his watch once more and exclaimed, in his Australian drawl, "I'm not going to be on time for my match!". He was late, he knew it.
I wish I was responsible for this, surely the greatest headline of all time. It was from The Sun, referring to the time Inverness Caledonian Thistle (perhaps another contender for silly team names) knocked Celtic out of the Scottish Cup:
'Super Caley Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrocious'.
Genius.
Video of the month.
Thank God for Cuddles himself, Cadel Evans, superbly winning cycling's World Road Race Championships in Mendrisio in September because it gives me a perfect excuse to show this snippet from an interview during the 2008 TdF. No doubt the related videos will highlight some other contretemps with the press. But for the sheer incongruity of him holding a cuddly lion while berating a poor reporter this is a winner every time.
Football - on Burnley (briefly), England and the World Cup.
Motorsport - Button - a worthy champion, 'Crashgate'.
Tennis - Andy Murray, just leave him be, part 11023.
And finally... - Silly names, silly puns and silly videos. Altogether rather silly.
Football.
In an earlier blog, I noted the peculiarity that was David Nugent signing for Burnley. Well, the sight of Burnley recording what may well be their biggest Premiership win of the whole season against Sunderland – three goals scored by two ex-Preston players – was a turn of events so bizarre I'm quite surprised the Rift didn't open under Turf Moor.
So England are off to the World Cup, amid a blaze of hype about this being our best chance yet to bring home the trophy (© the red tops 1997, 2001, 2005). Here we go again. Forgive me for being a tad cynical; all we've done to reach the finals is win two matches. Yes, you heard me right. Those matches are; v. Croatia (home) and v. Croatia (away). All the rest should be gimmes, quite honestly. Considering that A. this is supposed to be our national sport, B. the money poured into the Premiership (or EPL if you're from outside these shores) and C. the wealth (pun intended) of talent we admittedly have in this country, all the games not involving Croatia in this qualifying group bloody well ought to be put to bed by our players. Anything less is just laziness. Even beating Croatia is not exactly up there with historic footballing legend; so they once finished third in the World Cup? Big deal. Only the fact that England lost to them last time (in qualifying for Euro 2008), when they really shouldn't have done, has built up a fervour over beating a team that hasn't done anything in world football for a good decade into it being an achievement unto itself. Which it is not.
In the time since the last World Cup, English (and in some cases, British) sport has found a new level - GB+NI have finished fourth in the Olympic medal table, had two F1 world champions, had its best World Athletics championships since 1993 and been athletics (men's) Europa Cup champions, found its most successful tennis player in the Open era, dominated track cycling and uncovered two road stars, a first world diving champion and made names in swimming, in the pool and on open water. The football team's closest counterparts, the England rugby union team, defied expectation to reach the World Cup final and put up a great fight therein.
England's football team, meanwhile, has failed to make the last 16 teams in Europe for the one major tournament in that intervening period. They have now cemented their place amongst the last thirty-two names in the world, at the expense of those sleeping giants of the global game Andorra and Belarus. While I accept that they as a team have looked good in those games, putting away teams seemingly with a new found confidence and professionalism (well for all that money they fucking ought to be professional about it!). The first test comes against Brazil in the Middle East (because that isn't about the money at all); then the hard work actually begins. So far, the England National Football Team have achieved precisely this much:
________________________
End.
Motorsport.
Jenson Button. How can a man who won six Grands Prix in a season have his world title questioned - especially when no other driver has won more than two? Not only that, but he has been able to produce recovery drives when his qualifying performance has admittedly gone off the boil. His drive to secure the title was worthy of a champion - risky overtaking manoeuvres on Grosjean, Nakajima, Kobiyashi and Buemi (the latter from a car length's back - how on earth did he manage to brake so late?) showed unbelievable skill and mettle in a pressure situation sans pareil.
Furthermore, if Button doesn't deserve to win, then who does? Barrichello, for being AWOL when the Brawn was at its best? Vettel, who made errors at critical moments (eg at Turkey when he really should have won from pole) or Webber, quick on his day but just too inconsistent? If anyone pulls out the old 'he only won because of the car' - go and watch some fucking F1 and come back with something better. Champions in this sport are always made from a weighted sum of car and driver capability. When Nigel Mansell won in 1992 it was the culmination of a talented driver having a long career near the front, but with the destructively quick FW14B at his hands and feet, active suspension and all.
Anyone who has watched Jenson (as I have) from 2000, when he made his debut, would recognise a driver whose smooth driving style means he gets the best out of a good car, but is less able to make a bad car drive well, unlike say Hamilton who likes a tail-happy car anyway. But remember, champions always come from good cars, so Jenson's style meant that he would be up there with the best this season. Recall for instance Imola 2004, when Button put his Honda on pole and drove away from Schumacher in the first stint, (albeit on a slightly lighter fuel load) - Schumi referred to his pace as 'mind-blowing'. Compliments like those aren't handed out like penny sweets in the playground.
Jenson's world title has been the hardest to win - an early lead whittled away while the other teams caught up has left us on tenterhooks for months and put him under incredile pressure. More pressure, I suspect, than most of us would be able to handle. That alone should be reason enough to deflect criticisms of worthiness for his world title.
***
The main story of recent F1 was actually 'Crashgate'. Erstwhile Formula One commentator James Allen was a great fan of game theory, and specifically its application to a Grand Prix. He would get very excited about the boffins and their computers back in the team factory, running through different scenarios and plotting their outcomes. He would talk about the unusual strategies employed by teams 'out of position' on the grid. Most ironically, he would hold up Renault and Nelson Piquet Jr's one-stop strategy in Germany in 2008 as the gold standard on the subject; the one which vaulted him from his 17th starting slot to an eventual 2nd, thanks to a timely safety car.
Well it seems the Renault team decided to take the idea a stage or two further a few weeks later in Singapore. Under the floodlights, team bosses Flavio Briatore and Pat Symmonds (according to Piquet Jr. and his father) asked Piquet Jr. to crash in order to bring out the safety car – timed straight after teammate Fernando Alonso's pit stop, which allowed him to take the lead since all other teams would pit under the safety car conditions.
Can I make one thing clear though: it is not really race fixing, is it? Fixing implies that all the variables that make sport what it is have been influenced to such a degree as to be nullified; this necessarily includes those normally outside the participants' jurisdiction (in this case, the Renault team). In this case, 'all' Renault did was to use one of their own team members to maximise their chances of victory.
From a purely sporting perspective, Renault therefore did nothing hugely out of the ordinary. It is no more 'fixing' the outcome of a race than using the second driver to back the field up, while the lead driver scampers off into the distance. How many times has commentator Martin Brundle referred to the teammate as a 'rear-gunner' for his leader? Perhaps Brawn should be hauled in front of the FIA when Jenson Button won the Monaco Grand Prix by virtue of his teammate being slow enough to allow Button to open up a large gap in the first stint before his pit stop.
That is not to say that what Renault did does not cross a line, however. Asking a driver to crash is presumptuous in the extreme; although the safety levels in F1 have improved considerably, a car crash is an inherently unpredictable event, even with one of the world's most skilled drivers at the helm. Young Henry Surtees was killed as a result of a freak occurance in an accident earlier this year in a Formula Two race; how can any team boss risk this of their driver?
Renault got away lightly with the punishment; a suspended sentence rather than a fine. McLaren's involvement in the also-lazily titled 'Spygate' scandal of 2007 cost them $100m (interestingly, Renault were also implicated, but not punished). Perhaps with Renault reputedly on the edge of pulling out of the sport altogether, the result is not a surprise, especially since that figure may well run a team for two whole seasons in years to come.
Tennis.
Andy Murray. Again. Sorry, Murray haters. I know there's a lot of you.
So Murray played in the Davis Cup with a slight wrist injury, and aggrevates it to the point of having to pull out of Tour tournaments - including the Shanghai Masters. He'll be losing a stack of ranking points in the process in this, the indoor hard court leg of the World Tour (at which Murray is arguably the best in the world and is defending 3 titles including two Masters). All to try and fight a losing cause for a team whose credentials are of practically no worth at all. Now that they have been relegated to Euro/Africa Zone II, I hope Murray gives up on Davis Cup altogether. Now can you please get off his back and let him get on with it?
Dan's
5 really silly names for sports teams:
Super Aguri (Formula One)
Evidently anything but super.
Total Network Solutions (now The New Saints) (Football)
Led to Sky Sports' Jeff Stelling's joke "They'll be dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight!"
Wakefield Trinity Wildcats (Rugby League)
Either name on its own would be bad enough, but both together? And the inclusion of 'Trinity' spoils the alliteration, surely the only reason for a name like 'Wildcats' in the first place.
Brisbane Roar (formerly Queensland Roar) (Football)
The fans of also-stupidly-named Perth Glory would chant 'Queensland Roar is a fucking stupid name, a fucking stupid name...'
Serramenti PVC Diquigiovanni-Androni Giocattoli (Cycling)
Just too long.
Ridiculously contrived sporting puns.
When Manchester United first won the Premiership and FA Cup in the same season, it was largely attributed to the state of the Old Trafford pitch, which was often compared to an Arctic area of permafrost. Commentators said they did the Double on tundra.
The tennis player jumped out of bed in the afternoon, having slept in. Rushing down to the tournament grounds he looked at his watch once more and exclaimed, in his Australian drawl, "I'm not going to be on time for my match!". He was late, he knew it.
I wish I was responsible for this, surely the greatest headline of all time. It was from The Sun, referring to the time Inverness Caledonian Thistle (perhaps another contender for silly team names) knocked Celtic out of the Scottish Cup:
'Super Caley Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrocious'.
Genius.
Video of the month.
Thank God for Cuddles himself, Cadel Evans, superbly winning cycling's World Road Race Championships in Mendrisio in September because it gives me a perfect excuse to show this snippet from an interview during the 2008 TdF. No doubt the related videos will highlight some other contretemps with the press. But for the sheer incongruity of him holding a cuddly lion while berating a poor reporter this is a winner every time.
A racist on the BBC?
Finally, after all these years, on BBC1 on Thursday night a racist was unveiled to the nation. Yes, Andrew Neil on 'This Week'; in the week that Gordon Brown was forced to admit his favourite type of biscuit, Neil referred to his two studio guests Dianne Abbott and Michael Portillo (pictured below) at the top on the show as a 'chocolate hobnob' and a 'custard cream'. Shocking.
Clearly no offence was intended, but it did create one of those double-take, 'Did he really just say that?' moments. Sadly the show is un-iPlayer-able (to coin a word).
Tuesday 20 October 2009
What is the point of Gok Wan?
The title is probably enough for most, but can anyone actually answer that question? I mean, for a start, that's not a real name. People don't call their kids Gok. I'm sorry, I know that's probably a bit...borderline, we wouldn't be having that problem if he was say, Gok Smith. But really. Gok. That's not a name, more like onomatopoeia from a Batman comic.
"Oh, I'm Gok. These are my brothers, Biff and Bam, and my sister, Kaboom."
And this guy gives fashion advice?!?! He looks like Mark Lammar, circa Shooting Stars, with his head trapped between closing lift doors. Just imagine Lammar when he was captain of team A, flanked by two teammates, each pushing against a cheek with an open palm. It's Gok!
If this blog achieves nothing else, I'd like to single-handedly be responsible for the downfall of Gok Wan. Is there such thing as career homicide? I'd like to try it.
"Oh, I'm Gok. These are my brothers, Biff and Bam, and my sister, Kaboom."
And this guy gives fashion advice?!?! He looks like Mark Lammar, circa Shooting Stars, with his head trapped between closing lift doors. Just imagine Lammar when he was captain of team A, flanked by two teammates, each pushing against a cheek with an open palm. It's Gok!
If this blog achieves nothing else, I'd like to single-handedly be responsible for the downfall of Gok Wan. Is there such thing as career homicide? I'd like to try it.
Friday 16 October 2009
Masterchef: The Professionals
Why the rush? Seriously.
This is a programme where snooty presenters oversee snooty chefs serving snooty food to snooty people. Just like the meals produced in the show, it is divided up into three distinct courses; the introductions to the chefs and the critics, followed by the actual cooking bit, then the X-factor style 'and the winner is...' results bit.
The main portion of the show, then, is a breathless run through the chef's individual perfomances in the kitchen; all close-range, quick-fire, heavily edited shots of the chefs at work. At all points the chef and ourselves are reminded of the eternally ticking clock in which one of the two presenters shouts a random number of minutes left before the food goes out, all interspersed with pseudo-profound, Yoda-esque one-liners. Adding to the overall perplexity is the pulsating dance music ensemble this whole thing is set to, giving that off-your-tits-on-E, Ministry of Sound feel to the proceedings. Probably the only reason the viewer doesn't keel over at this point is that the body can't decide what to have first; an epileptic fit or a mild coronary. That and the brief moments of respite where we watch the chef analyse his/her own performances in the sancturary of that bit at the back of the kitchen with shots of their tortured expressions betwixt morsels of hope or despair or both, coming on like it's the fucking Shawshank Redemption.
The whole emphasis on speed is baffling to say the least. On one occasion, when the chef ran out of his allotted 'time' and the meal was now Officially Late, the host pointed out that the diners 'will be waiting now.' What the hell were they doing hitherto? Playing bloody darts? Eventually the chefs get to 'plate up' - which is surely not a real phrase - where they take laughably large plates and arrange practically sod all on them, while the hosts stare down and shout 'come on' and cause the poor guy to put ice-cream on the fish and vinegar on the pudding amid the confusion. They are then presented to the judges who raise quizzical eyebrows at each other, forgetting all the while that they are BEING PAID to EAT FOOD. Lucky buggers. Just to ratchet the tension up another notch, the shots of each service are underscored by a single low musical note, giving the vague impression that one of the dishes has been poisoned or that the maitre'd is actaully concealing a large cleaver under his suit and about to turn on the critics. Which would be different, at least.
After a good twenty minutes of this carry on, the chefs are gathered together for the results. At this point, due to the mad rapid-fire production approach of the actual kitchen segment, no-one can quite remember who cooked what, including the audience at home, the hosts and even the chefs themselves. In fact by this stage, remembering what day of the week it is becomes quite a task. Compounding matters further, the presenters then announce the chefs in turn as winners and losers in no logical order, who - once they recall what their own names are - either stand in a non-designated winner's area or march disconsolantly out the door.
This process, with subtle tweaks, has been running for a number of weeks, whittling down the contenders. Eventually one chef will rise above all others, and presumably spend the rest of his/her days on Valium trying to calm themselves from the relentless time pressure they have been subjected to and go and work in the world's only Michelin-starred library. I have to say, however, that despite my attempts to send this programme up, I found it oddly compelling, if only because my idea of fine dining is one where you do the tin of beans in the pan instead of the microwave. I just wish they'd slow down a bit.
This is a programme where snooty presenters oversee snooty chefs serving snooty food to snooty people. Just like the meals produced in the show, it is divided up into three distinct courses; the introductions to the chefs and the critics, followed by the actual cooking bit, then the X-factor style 'and the winner is...' results bit.
The main portion of the show, then, is a breathless run through the chef's individual perfomances in the kitchen; all close-range, quick-fire, heavily edited shots of the chefs at work. At all points the chef and ourselves are reminded of the eternally ticking clock in which one of the two presenters shouts a random number of minutes left before the food goes out, all interspersed with pseudo-profound, Yoda-esque one-liners. Adding to the overall perplexity is the pulsating dance music ensemble this whole thing is set to, giving that off-your-tits-on-E, Ministry of Sound feel to the proceedings. Probably the only reason the viewer doesn't keel over at this point is that the body can't decide what to have first; an epileptic fit or a mild coronary. That and the brief moments of respite where we watch the chef analyse his/her own performances in the sancturary of that bit at the back of the kitchen with shots of their tortured expressions betwixt morsels of hope or despair or both, coming on like it's the fucking Shawshank Redemption.
The whole emphasis on speed is baffling to say the least. On one occasion, when the chef ran out of his allotted 'time' and the meal was now Officially Late, the host pointed out that the diners 'will be waiting now.' What the hell were they doing hitherto? Playing bloody darts? Eventually the chefs get to 'plate up' - which is surely not a real phrase - where they take laughably large plates and arrange practically sod all on them, while the hosts stare down and shout 'come on' and cause the poor guy to put ice-cream on the fish and vinegar on the pudding amid the confusion. They are then presented to the judges who raise quizzical eyebrows at each other, forgetting all the while that they are BEING PAID to EAT FOOD. Lucky buggers. Just to ratchet the tension up another notch, the shots of each service are underscored by a single low musical note, giving the vague impression that one of the dishes has been poisoned or that the maitre'd is actaully concealing a large cleaver under his suit and about to turn on the critics. Which would be different, at least.
After a good twenty minutes of this carry on, the chefs are gathered together for the results. At this point, due to the mad rapid-fire production approach of the actual kitchen segment, no-one can quite remember who cooked what, including the audience at home, the hosts and even the chefs themselves. In fact by this stage, remembering what day of the week it is becomes quite a task. Compounding matters further, the presenters then announce the chefs in turn as winners and losers in no logical order, who - once they recall what their own names are - either stand in a non-designated winner's area or march disconsolantly out the door.
This process, with subtle tweaks, has been running for a number of weeks, whittling down the contenders. Eventually one chef will rise above all others, and presumably spend the rest of his/her days on Valium trying to calm themselves from the relentless time pressure they have been subjected to and go and work in the world's only Michelin-starred library. I have to say, however, that despite my attempts to send this programme up, I found it oddly compelling, if only because my idea of fine dining is one where you do the tin of beans in the pan instead of the microwave. I just wish they'd slow down a bit.
Tour de France 2010
So the parcours for the 2010 TdF was unveiled today. Hopefully the route will make up for what was a relatively stale edition this year. Certainly the organisers have pulled out a few extra stops along the way this time around. This news gives its fans a taste of what to expect and a vague excuse to start the first round of predictions, gossip and lick-your-finger-and-stick-it-in-the-air guesswork, which I will shamelessly try to do here.
This Tour of France will start in Holland (obviously), Rotterdam to be precise. Interestingly, with the 2009 Vuelta a Espana having started on the Assen TT circuit and the 2010 Giro d'Italia due to kick off in Amsterdam, that makes three Grand Tours in succession starting in the Low Country. Weird.
An almost certainly flat, 8km prologue will favour the usual suspects; so expect Cancellara and Wiggins to be fighting it out, along with Contador (whose TT abilities have improved massively) and Armstrong if he gets back to his former ways (and providing his team get an invite). Also this may be one for the powerful sprinters to get involved in; this year's green jersey Thor Hushovd has already set his sights on the short dash for yellow. With the race crossing into Belgium in the following days, this may give Tom Boonen the incentive to try and win the famous garment to wear into his homeland. In a recent interview he claimed he wished to improve his TT abilites for a tilt at the 2010 Worlds; this opportunity may be an extra motivation.
As mentioned, from Rotterdam the race moves on to Belgium for three stages. If Cancellara, Hushovd or Boonen get themselves high up in the GC early on, expect them to make a bid for the yellow jersey, or to extend their lead on stage three, a 207km dash across Belgium featuring the return of cobblestone sectors to the route. This will suit the strong men who feature in races such as Paris-Roubaix and the Tour of Flanders, who may try and make a break for the line and avoid the mass sprint finish that usually punctuates the early days of the Tour. This may give the new British squad Team Sky and its troupe of Classics specialists (for instance Flecha) to grab some glory. It will also be fraught with danger for the GC guys, with not much to gain, but plenty to lose in crashes and punctures that come with the cobbles.
Otherwise, the opening week of flat stages will give plenty for Britain's sprint superstar, Mark Cavendish, to lay down his challenge for the green jersey, which he lost in 2009 to Thor Hushovd, despite winning 6 stages along the way. The number of stages designated 'plain' is down one this coming edition from 10 to 9, but that is still plenty for Cav to get his teeth into. He flags up 8 stages for possible wins, anyone want to bet for less than 5 or 6? However, it remains to be seen how effective his Columbia team's lead out train will be this year, and especially with the emergence of rivals Garmin in recent months with the likes of Tyler Farrar and Chris Sutton (although he might be off to Sky), Hushovd again likely to be challenging, perhaps Boonen, McEwen and Ciolek too. Another shout might be the young Norweigan Edvald Boasson Hagen, winner of four stages in the Tour of Britain, the Eneco Tour and Gent-Wevelgem this year, this talented rider also moves to Sky for next year and could be one to watch when the peloton roars under the red kite. I'll also choose this time to mention Gert Steegmans, the Belgian who pinched a win from his leader Boonen in their home country and won on the Champs Elysses in 2008, before going AWOL in 2009 after a disagreement with his team. Now he has found a happy home at RadioShack he might well be back in form next year.
Of course, the race is won and lost in the mountains, and for the 2010 edition the giant Col du Tourmalet will make a return for its centenary, not once but twice (making up for the fact that it was undoubtedly wasted in its 2009 appearance) - once either side of the second rest day. For the second encounter the summit will act as the stage finish and its prominence in the middle of the third week, especially since the riders will have a free day beforehand, may decide the Tour in a similar way to Alpe d'Huez did in 2008 when Carlos Sastre attacked at the base of the climb and won the stage and ultimately the Tour.
The mountain goats that may contest this epic dash up the Col will have to include defending champion Contador, Andy Schleck, world champion Cadel Evans (if he rides - rumours suggest he may be farmed out to contest one of the other three-week tours instead). From a British perspective we must also consider Bradley Wiggins in this elite group of GC contenders, following his sensational fourth place in 2009. What may hinder his progress up the rankings this time around is the fact that the route in this year past could not have been better suited to him - even he accepts this as fact. There is only the single individual TT (outside of the prologue) - and no TTT. If he remains at Garmin, this will be sorely missed - look at how much time he gained with it in 2009. However, should he make the much-speculated transfer to Sky, a team without TT pedigree, this may be a blessing. This is not to take away from his new-found climbing abilities - he was up there mixing it with the best of the best in that respect, but the TT has always been Bradley's speciality on the road and losing vital kilometres in the discipline will hinder his podium credentials.
Where Wiggins loses, so Andy Schleck (the 2009 runner-up) gains. He was the one rider who looked to match Contador on the mountains and may have ridden away from him on the Ventoux were he not looking after big brother Frank so much. As Contador's future looks uncertain at the moment after his Astana team seems to have been pulled from underneath him by Armstrong and the RadioShack boys, perhaps the super-strong Saxo Bank squad could put Schleck in the favourite's position for 2010? Certainly he will have a fighting chance against Contador, who is not invincible (look back to the Dauphine Libere for proof of that). Armstrong himself is a complete mystery - an incredible return to the sport saw him land a podium; will his team of loyal lieutenants like Leipheimer, Zubeldia and Popovych be enough to offset his advancing years and bag him another top three finish? I would hesitate to say yes, but if there's one man you don't want to write off...
Just to be different, I'm going to back Schleck the younger for the big W in 2010, but going back over the potential list of names contending in the sprints and in the mountains, combined with the adventurous and varied route, leaves me to conclude that this Tour de France could well be the most exciting in years. Doesn't it feel like the past few years of gradually weeding out the cheats, the new talent emerging alongside old contenders and surprise names is building to a head for next year? Furthermore, with cycling as a sport on the verge of really taking off in Britain, the emergence of Cavendish, Wiggins and Team Sky (even though they will be competing for column inches with the football World Cup) might send it into overdrive. And wouldn't that be something?
This Tour of France will start in Holland (obviously), Rotterdam to be precise. Interestingly, with the 2009 Vuelta a Espana having started on the Assen TT circuit and the 2010 Giro d'Italia due to kick off in Amsterdam, that makes three Grand Tours in succession starting in the Low Country. Weird.
An almost certainly flat, 8km prologue will favour the usual suspects; so expect Cancellara and Wiggins to be fighting it out, along with Contador (whose TT abilities have improved massively) and Armstrong if he gets back to his former ways (and providing his team get an invite). Also this may be one for the powerful sprinters to get involved in; this year's green jersey Thor Hushovd has already set his sights on the short dash for yellow. With the race crossing into Belgium in the following days, this may give Tom Boonen the incentive to try and win the famous garment to wear into his homeland. In a recent interview he claimed he wished to improve his TT abilites for a tilt at the 2010 Worlds; this opportunity may be an extra motivation.
As mentioned, from Rotterdam the race moves on to Belgium for three stages. If Cancellara, Hushovd or Boonen get themselves high up in the GC early on, expect them to make a bid for the yellow jersey, or to extend their lead on stage three, a 207km dash across Belgium featuring the return of cobblestone sectors to the route. This will suit the strong men who feature in races such as Paris-Roubaix and the Tour of Flanders, who may try and make a break for the line and avoid the mass sprint finish that usually punctuates the early days of the Tour. This may give the new British squad Team Sky and its troupe of Classics specialists (for instance Flecha) to grab some glory. It will also be fraught with danger for the GC guys, with not much to gain, but plenty to lose in crashes and punctures that come with the cobbles.
Otherwise, the opening week of flat stages will give plenty for Britain's sprint superstar, Mark Cavendish, to lay down his challenge for the green jersey, which he lost in 2009 to Thor Hushovd, despite winning 6 stages along the way. The number of stages designated 'plain' is down one this coming edition from 10 to 9, but that is still plenty for Cav to get his teeth into. He flags up 8 stages for possible wins, anyone want to bet for less than 5 or 6? However, it remains to be seen how effective his Columbia team's lead out train will be this year, and especially with the emergence of rivals Garmin in recent months with the likes of Tyler Farrar and Chris Sutton (although he might be off to Sky), Hushovd again likely to be challenging, perhaps Boonen, McEwen and Ciolek too. Another shout might be the young Norweigan Edvald Boasson Hagen, winner of four stages in the Tour of Britain, the Eneco Tour and Gent-Wevelgem this year, this talented rider also moves to Sky for next year and could be one to watch when the peloton roars under the red kite. I'll also choose this time to mention Gert Steegmans, the Belgian who pinched a win from his leader Boonen in their home country and won on the Champs Elysses in 2008, before going AWOL in 2009 after a disagreement with his team. Now he has found a happy home at RadioShack he might well be back in form next year.
Of course, the race is won and lost in the mountains, and for the 2010 edition the giant Col du Tourmalet will make a return for its centenary, not once but twice (making up for the fact that it was undoubtedly wasted in its 2009 appearance) - once either side of the second rest day. For the second encounter the summit will act as the stage finish and its prominence in the middle of the third week, especially since the riders will have a free day beforehand, may decide the Tour in a similar way to Alpe d'Huez did in 2008 when Carlos Sastre attacked at the base of the climb and won the stage and ultimately the Tour.
The mountain goats that may contest this epic dash up the Col will have to include defending champion Contador, Andy Schleck, world champion Cadel Evans (if he rides - rumours suggest he may be farmed out to contest one of the other three-week tours instead). From a British perspective we must also consider Bradley Wiggins in this elite group of GC contenders, following his sensational fourth place in 2009. What may hinder his progress up the rankings this time around is the fact that the route in this year past could not have been better suited to him - even he accepts this as fact. There is only the single individual TT (outside of the prologue) - and no TTT. If he remains at Garmin, this will be sorely missed - look at how much time he gained with it in 2009. However, should he make the much-speculated transfer to Sky, a team without TT pedigree, this may be a blessing. This is not to take away from his new-found climbing abilities - he was up there mixing it with the best of the best in that respect, but the TT has always been Bradley's speciality on the road and losing vital kilometres in the discipline will hinder his podium credentials.
Where Wiggins loses, so Andy Schleck (the 2009 runner-up) gains. He was the one rider who looked to match Contador on the mountains and may have ridden away from him on the Ventoux were he not looking after big brother Frank so much. As Contador's future looks uncertain at the moment after his Astana team seems to have been pulled from underneath him by Armstrong and the RadioShack boys, perhaps the super-strong Saxo Bank squad could put Schleck in the favourite's position for 2010? Certainly he will have a fighting chance against Contador, who is not invincible (look back to the Dauphine Libere for proof of that). Armstrong himself is a complete mystery - an incredible return to the sport saw him land a podium; will his team of loyal lieutenants like Leipheimer, Zubeldia and Popovych be enough to offset his advancing years and bag him another top three finish? I would hesitate to say yes, but if there's one man you don't want to write off...
Just to be different, I'm going to back Schleck the younger for the big W in 2010, but going back over the potential list of names contending in the sprints and in the mountains, combined with the adventurous and varied route, leaves me to conclude that this Tour de France could well be the most exciting in years. Doesn't it feel like the past few years of gradually weeding out the cheats, the new talent emerging alongside old contenders and surprise names is building to a head for next year? Furthermore, with cycling as a sport on the verge of really taking off in Britain, the emergence of Cavendish, Wiggins and Team Sky (even though they will be competing for column inches with the football World Cup) might send it into overdrive. And wouldn't that be something?
Friday 9 October 2009
'Black Swan Song' - forthcoming Athlete single for charity
Increasingly frustrating but still occasionally brilliant South London band Athlete are releasing their next single, Black Swan Song on November 9 to coincide with the run up to Remembrance Day. They've really gone all out on the video this time and it works wonderfully. The video is on a war theme and is dedicated to the memory of singer Joel Pott's grandfather, who as the caption tells us fought in the Battle of Arnhem in 1944. The proceeds from the single will be donated to the Royal British Legion.
The song itself is much of the same emotive balladry they've been peddling since circa 2005 (but probably more in the Yesterday Threw... or Second Hand Stores calibre) and probably won't change your opinion of the band one way or another, but the video and the promotion surrounding the single just might.
The video won't embed in this blog, but click HERE to watch.
The song itself is much of the same emotive balladry they've been peddling since circa 2005 (but probably more in the Yesterday Threw... or Second Hand Stores calibre) and probably won't change your opinion of the band one way or another, but the video and the promotion surrounding the single just might.
The video won't embed in this blog, but click HERE to watch.
Thursday 8 October 2009
Marketing Bastards And The Subtle Sleight Of Word
Today's adverts, packages and slogans are designed to offer a lot without actually saying anything useful through clever use of words and wordings. This is typified by a recent Head and Shoulders advert, which claims to provide 'up to 100% flake-free hair'. Up to 100%? That only provides, ooh say, the entire spectrum of hair-flakiness as wiggle room. You could furnish a jar of marmalade with the same claim, and when hordes of the freshly orange-shred-coiffured start beating down your door asking for their money back, kindly point out that zero percent is still within the confines of 'up to a hundred'. (Actually, thinking about it, zero percent implies all flake and no hair, and if that is your starting point then I think you're past the point where a simple shampoo and condition may come to your rescue). Going even further, surely absolutely anything can be 'up to 100%' something with absolute authenticity? Did you know, for example, that I am up to 100% Swiss, Swedish, Portugese, American, Mongolian and Australian? Thought not.
(The 'up to' bit of the ad probably relates to this article I came across. Still it wouldn't hurt them to give us a bit more of a clue, would it?)
Tesco are known to sell their chicken produce with the phrase 'reared to Tesco's livestock standards' on the packet. Well thanks for that, but you stop woefully short of telling me what your standards actually are. For all I know, you could keep your chickens stuffed into a Mini Cooper, like the set up to some surreal Christmas cracker gag. 'Well', says the marketing guru, 'at least it's not a Honda Jazz. We have standards, you know'. (For the record, litigation fans, I know for a fact that Tesco do not keep their chickens in a Mini, or indeed any other city runaround).
Probably one of the more intricate offenders is Greggs the bakers, whose sandwiches are sold boxed with the slogan 'Freshly made with bread we baked' on the front. On the bottom of the box is a bolder statement, in that 'the bread...was freshly delivered straight from our local bakery where our bakers bake fresh bread everyday'. That (count them, folks) is three separate uses of the word 'fresh'. How fresh can you possibly be? The consumer is practically salivating at this stage at the thought of the freshness of the bread he is about to sink his teeth into. At no point, unfortunately, do they make the outright claim that the bread in your freshly-purchased (!) sandwich is that selfsame fresh bread.
Look closely; all they really say is that the sandwich was freshly made, i.e. that the constituent parts that make up the classic BLT were cobbled together in the shop that morning. The constant talk of freshness and the statement about baking fresh bread cause the buyer to make the mental junction between two actually unconnected statements. You see, they talk of making fresh bread daily and they talk of delivering bread today, but never state that they are talking about the same bit of bread, viz:
“Actually, that bread's been sitting around for a month in our bakery. But we delivered it to the shop this morning, so we haven't broken our promise!”
The ensuing misunderstanding is so hilarious that the writers of Frasier are forever kicking themselves that they never made an episode in a branch of Greggs, with the eponymous psychiatrist and his brother squabbling over which loaf to cut up for sandwiches, before Niles' wheat allergy kicks in and the audience goes into a fit of laughter.
So it's not the lies and liars you need to watch out for. It's really those who tell the truth, just not the truth you thought you were hearing - they need watching the most.
Please share any more examples!
(The 'up to' bit of the ad probably relates to this article I came across. Still it wouldn't hurt them to give us a bit more of a clue, would it?)
Tesco are known to sell their chicken produce with the phrase 'reared to Tesco's livestock standards' on the packet. Well thanks for that, but you stop woefully short of telling me what your standards actually are. For all I know, you could keep your chickens stuffed into a Mini Cooper, like the set up to some surreal Christmas cracker gag. 'Well', says the marketing guru, 'at least it's not a Honda Jazz. We have standards, you know'. (For the record, litigation fans, I know for a fact that Tesco do not keep their chickens in a Mini, or indeed any other city runaround).
Probably one of the more intricate offenders is Greggs the bakers, whose sandwiches are sold boxed with the slogan 'Freshly made with bread we baked' on the front. On the bottom of the box is a bolder statement, in that 'the bread...was freshly delivered straight from our local bakery where our bakers bake fresh bread everyday'. That (count them, folks) is three separate uses of the word 'fresh'. How fresh can you possibly be? The consumer is practically salivating at this stage at the thought of the freshness of the bread he is about to sink his teeth into. At no point, unfortunately, do they make the outright claim that the bread in your freshly-purchased (!) sandwich is that selfsame fresh bread.
Look closely; all they really say is that the sandwich was freshly made, i.e. that the constituent parts that make up the classic BLT were cobbled together in the shop that morning. The constant talk of freshness and the statement about baking fresh bread cause the buyer to make the mental junction between two actually unconnected statements. You see, they talk of making fresh bread daily and they talk of delivering bread today, but never state that they are talking about the same bit of bread, viz:
“Actually, that bread's been sitting around for a month in our bakery. But we delivered it to the shop this morning, so we haven't broken our promise!”
The ensuing misunderstanding is so hilarious that the writers of Frasier are forever kicking themselves that they never made an episode in a branch of Greggs, with the eponymous psychiatrist and his brother squabbling over which loaf to cut up for sandwiches, before Niles' wheat allergy kicks in and the audience goes into a fit of laughter.
So it's not the lies and liars you need to watch out for. It's really those who tell the truth, just not the truth you thought you were hearing - they need watching the most.
Please share any more examples!
Friday 2 October 2009
Frank Turner – Poetry of the Deed
It is an interesting truism to note that the level of Frank Turner's success has increased in an inverse relationship with the length of his hair. Expect, then, when he finally hits the big time for him to turn up looking like Michael Stipe. But more centrally to the ascension of our star Turner is his third longplayer offering, 'Poetry of the Deed'. It is very difficult to write a review about the borderline crossover appeal of Turner without reference to the phrase 'selling out'. Fear not, for this critique is not about to accuse Turner of such. Indeed, the wit of the man has beaten me to it; 'We can never sell out because we never bought in', yells a typically animated Turner on upbeat opener 'Live Fast Die Old'.
However, shying away from such actions does not take away from the fact that this is perhaps the weakest Frank Turner album to date. That opening song sets a promising pace for the rest of the album to follow; prominent piano and organ over a clean production sheen (I'd have loved to hear the first album produced like this), a song pitched in the 'Vital Signs'/'Reasons...' bracket. Therein lies the true problem of the album however – most of the songs here have in essence been done before, and done better. Many of them have direct counterparts from the first two albums, almost as though they have provided a blueprint for all future works. For 'Sons of Liberty', for instance, read 'Love Ire & Song' or '...Anarchists', except not nearly as good. There's the songs about drinking, songs about girls, songs about...songs. The problem is that none of them seem to grab this listener in quite the same way that their non-identical twins once did. Remember when you first heard 'The Real Damage' or 'Long Live The Queen'? Nothing on here quite has the same impact, be it through a killer hook or lyric.
Still, any new material is a welcome addition to the Turner library. 'Richard Devine' has a quirky, staccato swagger about it, vaguely reminiscent of his backing band Dive Dive's 'Take It, It's Yours' and bizarrely, (and ever so slightly) 'Laura' by the Scissor Sisters (listen to that piano/guitar line in the opening verse). Not a sentence I'd ever thought I'd write. Elsewhere, lead single 'The Road' is another standout – the kind of folk-pop singalong we've grown used to over the years, with an almost trademark driving middle eight in particular lifting the song to a triumphant final chorus. 'Live Fast...' also makes use of this well, especially the lovely sliding effect signalling the run in to a great last minute or so.
Leaving these aside, solo acoustic strum 'Dan's Song' is probably the weakest such effort I've heard from Frank's repertoire, musically and lyrically – an attempt at a 'Real Damage' without the punch. And title track 'Poetry of the Deed' contains the line, “Life is to short to be lived without poetry/If you've got soul darling come on and show it me” - one of those Turner lyrical moments; a genius rhyme or just plain cringeworthy? I still can't decide after numerous listens. However the closing trio of songs somewhat rescues a meandering middle portion of the album; each building, once again, to their own dramatic climaxes; the slow-burning 'Sunday Nights' perhaps the most affecting of these.
Taken outside the context of the first two albums, there is no doubt that this is a highly listenable record; upbeat in many places, generally just good fun. It pains me a little to judge it on the first few listens; some songs may grow over time, or be more impressive in a live scenario. Furthermore, this is no 'backlash' as may have been expected against his growing popularity. But there is no getting away from those earlier efforts and comparisons thereto. This is a Frank Turner minus the angst, the emotion, the call-to-arms anthemics of first two albums works. In other words, everything that made his earlier works special, personal, life-affirming even. Shorn of these traits, Poetry of the Deed is merely a decent collection of songs.
7/10
Well at least I got through this whole review without one use of 'frankly', 'to be frank...' or similar.
However, shying away from such actions does not take away from the fact that this is perhaps the weakest Frank Turner album to date. That opening song sets a promising pace for the rest of the album to follow; prominent piano and organ over a clean production sheen (I'd have loved to hear the first album produced like this), a song pitched in the 'Vital Signs'/'Reasons...' bracket. Therein lies the true problem of the album however – most of the songs here have in essence been done before, and done better. Many of them have direct counterparts from the first two albums, almost as though they have provided a blueprint for all future works. For 'Sons of Liberty', for instance, read 'Love Ire & Song' or '...Anarchists', except not nearly as good. There's the songs about drinking, songs about girls, songs about...songs. The problem is that none of them seem to grab this listener in quite the same way that their non-identical twins once did. Remember when you first heard 'The Real Damage' or 'Long Live The Queen'? Nothing on here quite has the same impact, be it through a killer hook or lyric.
Still, any new material is a welcome addition to the Turner library. 'Richard Devine' has a quirky, staccato swagger about it, vaguely reminiscent of his backing band Dive Dive's 'Take It, It's Yours' and bizarrely, (and ever so slightly) 'Laura' by the Scissor Sisters (listen to that piano/guitar line in the opening verse). Not a sentence I'd ever thought I'd write. Elsewhere, lead single 'The Road' is another standout – the kind of folk-pop singalong we've grown used to over the years, with an almost trademark driving middle eight in particular lifting the song to a triumphant final chorus. 'Live Fast...' also makes use of this well, especially the lovely sliding effect signalling the run in to a great last minute or so.
Leaving these aside, solo acoustic strum 'Dan's Song' is probably the weakest such effort I've heard from Frank's repertoire, musically and lyrically – an attempt at a 'Real Damage' without the punch. And title track 'Poetry of the Deed' contains the line, “Life is to short to be lived without poetry/If you've got soul darling come on and show it me” - one of those Turner lyrical moments; a genius rhyme or just plain cringeworthy? I still can't decide after numerous listens. However the closing trio of songs somewhat rescues a meandering middle portion of the album; each building, once again, to their own dramatic climaxes; the slow-burning 'Sunday Nights' perhaps the most affecting of these.
Taken outside the context of the first two albums, there is no doubt that this is a highly listenable record; upbeat in many places, generally just good fun. It pains me a little to judge it on the first few listens; some songs may grow over time, or be more impressive in a live scenario. Furthermore, this is no 'backlash' as may have been expected against his growing popularity. But there is no getting away from those earlier efforts and comparisons thereto. This is a Frank Turner minus the angst, the emotion, the call-to-arms anthemics of first two albums works. In other words, everything that made his earlier works special, personal, life-affirming even. Shorn of these traits, Poetry of the Deed is merely a decent collection of songs.
7/10
Well at least I got through this whole review without one use of 'frankly', 'to be frank...' or similar.
Free Music (free!) download-orama. Did I mention they were free?
Recently I've come across a number of free downloadables (is that a word? Well I've coined it in any case) from some of my favourite bands, which I would like to share. In a most cases, they require an email address in order to get your hands on them:
Grammatics - D.I.L.E.M.M.A
In order to coincide with going on tour with Bloc Party, (in a move they're calling 'Bloctober' - oh the wit) Grammatics are giving away this cracking album track free, along with a remix of 'Murderer'.
www.grammatics.co.uk
Los Campesinos! - The Sea is a Good Place to Think of the Future
Another band heading out on tour, they released this song for free a few weeks ago, perhaps to be included on their forthcoming third album.
www.loscampesinos.com
Sky Larkin - Smarts
Apparently recorded almost by chance in a day; this is released along with an acoustic version of album track 'Matador'.
www.weareskylarkin.com
Johnny Foreigner - Feels Like Summer EP
Hopelessly out of date by now (considering the title), this was released way back in June, but I've only just come across it now. A whole 3-track EP for your listening pleasure, not bad going.
www.johnnyforeignerband.com
Grammatics - D.I.L.E.M.M.A
In order to coincide with going on tour with Bloc Party, (in a move they're calling 'Bloctober' - oh the wit) Grammatics are giving away this cracking album track free, along with a remix of 'Murderer'.
www.grammatics.co.uk
Los Campesinos! - The Sea is a Good Place to Think of the Future
Another band heading out on tour, they released this song for free a few weeks ago, perhaps to be included on their forthcoming third album.
www.loscampesinos.com
Sky Larkin - Smarts
Apparently recorded almost by chance in a day; this is released along with an acoustic version of album track 'Matador'.
www.weareskylarkin.com
Johnny Foreigner - Feels Like Summer EP
Hopelessly out of date by now (considering the title), this was released way back in June, but I've only just come across it now. A whole 3-track EP for your listening pleasure, not bad going.
www.johnnyforeignerband.com
Sunday 20 September 2009
Jumping the gun on 2009 BBC SPOTY.
...In which I attempt to become the Derren Brown of sport. By that I don't mean completely waste a good hour of prime-time television, I mean I will try to guess the nominees for the 2009 BBC Sports Personality of the Year award. With most of the major sports events of the year out of the way, a number of potential candidates have come to the fore. To be honest, at least half of them pretty much pick themselves, but I'll take a stab at filling the rest of the places.
Jessica Ennis - Athletics
Sheffield's Jessica Ennis has everything. A 23 year-old World Champion in the heptathlon, allied to undeniable good looks, means she will be the poster girl for the forthcoming 2012 London Olympics. Her performance in the World Championships in Berlin was one of domination, using her two strongest events – the hurdles and high jump, in which she is also British number one – to set a frightening pace which no-one could even get close to. By no means the finished article, expect her to have the British heptathlon record by 2012, especially if she can sort out her day 2 events. The absent Hyleas Fountain may provide stiff competition in the years to come, as well as Kluft (if she ever returns, which is looking increasingly unlikely) and – let us not forget – Kelly Sotherton. Just in case she didn't already have everything going for her, this year's SPOTY is being broadcast from – you guessed it – Sheffield, meaning she will undoubtedly have centre stage on the night as well.
My Prediction: 1st
Phillips Idowu - Athletics
Finally, Phillips Idowu is a World Champion. Thank the Lord. Years of unfulfilled potential have finally been realised in a few seconds and 17.73 metres. That the winning mark he set put 5cm on his outdoor best dating back to the 2002 Commonwealth Games demonstrates that potential he always had. Of course, we musn't forget that prior to the Worlds, Phillips picked up the 2008 World Indoor title, Olympic silver, the 2007 European Indoors and 2006 Commonwealths, making him one of the most consistent performers on the big stage in recent years. Now a recognisable figure due to these performances over the years, one would have expected him to do well on the night, although fellow athlete Ennis will take many of his potential votes.
My prediction: 7th
Andy Murray - Tennis
Every year, Andy Murray takes another step forward in his development as a tennis player and as a figure in the web of British sport. And accordingly it seems, every year he picks up a SPOTY nomination. Having become the first player in four years to break the Federer-Nadal domination of world tennis by becoming the world number 2 (albeit temporarily) this year should be no exception. Winning five titles this year – including two Masters Series events - has established the Scot at the top of the men's game. He will look to add to that tally in the season ending indoor hard court events, at which he is probably the best player in the world. However he continues to polarise opinion on these shores, meaning unless he goes and wins a Slam, a top-three finish is unlikely.
My prediction: 5th
Jenson Button – Motorsport
SPOTY's love affair with Formula One drivers is set to continue this year, after Jenson Button's simply stunning season being set to land him the world title. It is frankly staggering to consider that he might not even have made the grid this season, with his Honda team pulling out in the winter and only an 11th hour buyout by the team's technical director Ross Brawn made this story possible. In fact this may even have had its own blessing, with the team shod of its works Honda engines and being able to secure a deal to run the leading Mercedes powerplants instead. It is worth noting that the apparent small-team success would not have been possible without Honda's millions and the team writing off 2008 completely to design the 2009 car to the radical new regulations. However, this should not in any way belittle the achievement of the team and its probable 2009 World Champion. The bookies' favourite, although Lewis Hamilton has had that honour and failed to take the top prize.
My Prediction: 2nd
Mark Cavendish - Cycling
Cavendish should be one of Britain's biggest sports stars. He has a palmares so big it even commands its own page on Wikipedia, distinct from his actual profile page. What it will show is over 20 professional victories in 2009, including the prestigious Milan-Sanremo classic and six Tour de France stages. In MSR and the final stage of the TdF in Paris, Cavendish has picked up two of the biggest wins a road sprinter could want. It is hard to gauge how much these have caught the attention of the public, and whether these will translate into votes. Also he will likely be up against Bradley Wiggins, with cycling fans voting en masse for one or the other. However, if the BBC give him the billing he deserves, expect him to poll well.
My Prediction: 3rd
Bradley Wiggins - Cycling
How is it possible that the six-time Olympic medallist (including three golds) is the nearly man of British sport? Overshadowed by Kelly Holmes in 2004 and fellow cyclist Chris Hoy in 2008, Wiggo battles for supremacy with Mark Cavendish for top British rider. His fourth place in the Tour de France is a massive achievement, especially considering his previous Grand Tour record, and the best performance by a Briton in the history of the race. The significance of this should not be understimated, although it will be hard to assess whether this ranks higher in the minds of the voters than Cavendish's stage wins. However, at the time of writing the World Time Trial Championships have not yet taken place. Should he win the rainbow stripes, the title of 'world champion' might be enough to push him above Cav in the voting.
My Prediction: 6th
Tom Daley - Diving
Daley's win in the World Aquatics Championships in the 10m platform diving was nothing short of remarkable for this teenager. Not only that, but as far as SPOTY voting is concerned the public like a good story. Daley, at just 14, provides just that. A potential dark horse, but I expect he will still struggle to garner votes in a strong year.
My Prediction: 8th
Stuart Broad - Cricket
As England have won back the Ashes, there has to be a cricketer in the shortlist, and apparent figurehead for the England squad Broad will probably be the main man for the vote. Perhaps captain Strauss would feel aggrieved if he was overlooked for nomination by Broad, but it is the latter player who dominated the headlines and the aftermath of victory. However, Broad - and indeed Strauss - suffer from not being the larger-than-life figure that 2005 SPOTY winner Andrew Flintoff was. Furthermore, having won the Ashes the last time the Aussies visited these shores, the achievement feels less special; certainly the lack of terrestrial coverage or even a victory parade on the scale of 2005 has pushed cricket from the consciousness of the public.
My Prediction: 4th
Wayne Rooney - Football
In a year of record-timing qualification for a World Cup, it only seems fitting that one England football player should make the shortlist. In truth, the team/coach awards seem the way forward for this England team, but group top scorer Wayne Rooney is a potential nominee.
My Prediction: 9th
Alistair Brownlee - Triathlon
Brownlee is one from the leftfield; he earns his place courtesy of his recent World Triathlon Championships series win. Getting in amongst the headlines late in the year is never a bad thing when it comes to SPOTY nominations, as his achievement should be fresh in the memory when the shortlists are being drawn up. However he would be unlikely to poll many votes on the night.
My Prediction: 10th
Other awards:
Team of the year: England cricket team
Coach of the year: Fabio Capello
Overseas sports personality: Usain Bolt
Young sports personality: Heather Watson
But enough of that, what do the professionals think?
Here are the current odds (20th September) on williamhill.com:
Jenson Button 5/4 Jessica Ennis 7/4 Andrew Flintoff 8/1 Andrew Strauss 8/1 Stuart Broad 20/1 Andy Murray 25/1 Phillips Idowu 25/1 David Haye 33/1 Tom Daley 33/1 Amir Khan 40/1 Mark Cavendish 40/1 Graeme Swann 50/1 Lewis Hamilton 66/1 Bradley Wiggins 66/1 Keri-Anne Payne 66/1
...and on ladbrokes.com:
J Button 5/4 J Ennis 7/4 A Flintoff 8/1 A Strauss 8/1 S Broad 16/1 A Murray 25/1 P Idowu 25/1 T Daley 33/1 A Khan 50/1 D Haye 50/1 L Hamilton 50/1 M Cavendish 50/1 R Giggs 66/1
Well I know sod-all about boxing, so I wouldn't be able to assess the likelihood of Haye and Khan in the reckoning. All the bookies have Button as a favourite; that is likely to be cemented if he goes on to win the world title, but his 2008 heartache to 2009 world success is matched by on the night home favourite Ennis. Unbelievably, the virtually anonymous and occasionally injured Flintoff is 8/1 third favourite; it would be astonishing if he even gets a nomination. Mark Cavendish is 7/1 on betfair for a top 3 finish, perhaps I should literally put my money where my mouth is (or at least, laptop keyboard is). How on earth Hamilton, Swann or Giggs are even on the list I shall never know.
Jessica Ennis - Athletics
Sheffield's Jessica Ennis has everything. A 23 year-old World Champion in the heptathlon, allied to undeniable good looks, means she will be the poster girl for the forthcoming 2012 London Olympics. Her performance in the World Championships in Berlin was one of domination, using her two strongest events – the hurdles and high jump, in which she is also British number one – to set a frightening pace which no-one could even get close to. By no means the finished article, expect her to have the British heptathlon record by 2012, especially if she can sort out her day 2 events. The absent Hyleas Fountain may provide stiff competition in the years to come, as well as Kluft (if she ever returns, which is looking increasingly unlikely) and – let us not forget – Kelly Sotherton. Just in case she didn't already have everything going for her, this year's SPOTY is being broadcast from – you guessed it – Sheffield, meaning she will undoubtedly have centre stage on the night as well.
My Prediction: 1st
Phillips Idowu - Athletics
Finally, Phillips Idowu is a World Champion. Thank the Lord. Years of unfulfilled potential have finally been realised in a few seconds and 17.73 metres. That the winning mark he set put 5cm on his outdoor best dating back to the 2002 Commonwealth Games demonstrates that potential he always had. Of course, we musn't forget that prior to the Worlds, Phillips picked up the 2008 World Indoor title, Olympic silver, the 2007 European Indoors and 2006 Commonwealths, making him one of the most consistent performers on the big stage in recent years. Now a recognisable figure due to these performances over the years, one would have expected him to do well on the night, although fellow athlete Ennis will take many of his potential votes.
My prediction: 7th
Andy Murray - Tennis
Every year, Andy Murray takes another step forward in his development as a tennis player and as a figure in the web of British sport. And accordingly it seems, every year he picks up a SPOTY nomination. Having become the first player in four years to break the Federer-Nadal domination of world tennis by becoming the world number 2 (albeit temporarily) this year should be no exception. Winning five titles this year – including two Masters Series events - has established the Scot at the top of the men's game. He will look to add to that tally in the season ending indoor hard court events, at which he is probably the best player in the world. However he continues to polarise opinion on these shores, meaning unless he goes and wins a Slam, a top-three finish is unlikely.
My prediction: 5th
Jenson Button – Motorsport
SPOTY's love affair with Formula One drivers is set to continue this year, after Jenson Button's simply stunning season being set to land him the world title. It is frankly staggering to consider that he might not even have made the grid this season, with his Honda team pulling out in the winter and only an 11th hour buyout by the team's technical director Ross Brawn made this story possible. In fact this may even have had its own blessing, with the team shod of its works Honda engines and being able to secure a deal to run the leading Mercedes powerplants instead. It is worth noting that the apparent small-team success would not have been possible without Honda's millions and the team writing off 2008 completely to design the 2009 car to the radical new regulations. However, this should not in any way belittle the achievement of the team and its probable 2009 World Champion. The bookies' favourite, although Lewis Hamilton has had that honour and failed to take the top prize.
My Prediction: 2nd
Mark Cavendish - Cycling
Cavendish should be one of Britain's biggest sports stars. He has a palmares so big it even commands its own page on Wikipedia, distinct from his actual profile page. What it will show is over 20 professional victories in 2009, including the prestigious Milan-Sanremo classic and six Tour de France stages. In MSR and the final stage of the TdF in Paris, Cavendish has picked up two of the biggest wins a road sprinter could want. It is hard to gauge how much these have caught the attention of the public, and whether these will translate into votes. Also he will likely be up against Bradley Wiggins, with cycling fans voting en masse for one or the other. However, if the BBC give him the billing he deserves, expect him to poll well.
My Prediction: 3rd
Bradley Wiggins - Cycling
How is it possible that the six-time Olympic medallist (including three golds) is the nearly man of British sport? Overshadowed by Kelly Holmes in 2004 and fellow cyclist Chris Hoy in 2008, Wiggo battles for supremacy with Mark Cavendish for top British rider. His fourth place in the Tour de France is a massive achievement, especially considering his previous Grand Tour record, and the best performance by a Briton in the history of the race. The significance of this should not be understimated, although it will be hard to assess whether this ranks higher in the minds of the voters than Cavendish's stage wins. However, at the time of writing the World Time Trial Championships have not yet taken place. Should he win the rainbow stripes, the title of 'world champion' might be enough to push him above Cav in the voting.
My Prediction: 6th
Tom Daley - Diving
Daley's win in the World Aquatics Championships in the 10m platform diving was nothing short of remarkable for this teenager. Not only that, but as far as SPOTY voting is concerned the public like a good story. Daley, at just 14, provides just that. A potential dark horse, but I expect he will still struggle to garner votes in a strong year.
My Prediction: 8th
Stuart Broad - Cricket
As England have won back the Ashes, there has to be a cricketer in the shortlist, and apparent figurehead for the England squad Broad will probably be the main man for the vote. Perhaps captain Strauss would feel aggrieved if he was overlooked for nomination by Broad, but it is the latter player who dominated the headlines and the aftermath of victory. However, Broad - and indeed Strauss - suffer from not being the larger-than-life figure that 2005 SPOTY winner Andrew Flintoff was. Furthermore, having won the Ashes the last time the Aussies visited these shores, the achievement feels less special; certainly the lack of terrestrial coverage or even a victory parade on the scale of 2005 has pushed cricket from the consciousness of the public.
My Prediction: 4th
Wayne Rooney - Football
In a year of record-timing qualification for a World Cup, it only seems fitting that one England football player should make the shortlist. In truth, the team/coach awards seem the way forward for this England team, but group top scorer Wayne Rooney is a potential nominee.
My Prediction: 9th
Alistair Brownlee - Triathlon
Brownlee is one from the leftfield; he earns his place courtesy of his recent World Triathlon Championships series win. Getting in amongst the headlines late in the year is never a bad thing when it comes to SPOTY nominations, as his achievement should be fresh in the memory when the shortlists are being drawn up. However he would be unlikely to poll many votes on the night.
My Prediction: 10th
Other awards:
Team of the year: England cricket team
Coach of the year: Fabio Capello
Overseas sports personality: Usain Bolt
Young sports personality: Heather Watson
But enough of that, what do the professionals think?
Here are the current odds (20th September) on williamhill.com:
Jenson Button 5/4 Jessica Ennis 7/4 Andrew Flintoff 8/1 Andrew Strauss 8/1 Stuart Broad 20/1 Andy Murray 25/1 Phillips Idowu 25/1 David Haye 33/1 Tom Daley 33/1 Amir Khan 40/1 Mark Cavendish 40/1 Graeme Swann 50/1 Lewis Hamilton 66/1 Bradley Wiggins 66/1 Keri-Anne Payne 66/1
...and on ladbrokes.com:
J Button 5/4 J Ennis 7/4 A Flintoff 8/1 A Strauss 8/1 S Broad 16/1 A Murray 25/1 P Idowu 25/1 T Daley 33/1 A Khan 50/1 D Haye 50/1 L Hamilton 50/1 M Cavendish 50/1 R Giggs 66/1
Well I know sod-all about boxing, so I wouldn't be able to assess the likelihood of Haye and Khan in the reckoning. All the bookies have Button as a favourite; that is likely to be cemented if he goes on to win the world title, but his 2008 heartache to 2009 world success is matched by on the night home favourite Ennis. Unbelievably, the virtually anonymous and occasionally injured Flintoff is 8/1 third favourite; it would be astonishing if he even gets a nomination. Mark Cavendish is 7/1 on betfair for a top 3 finish, perhaps I should literally put my money where my mouth is (or at least, laptop keyboard is). How on earth Hamilton, Swann or Giggs are even on the list I shall never know.
Wednesday 16 September 2009
How the pro riders took on the telly chef, and won.
This is a story which has most intrigued me this week. It is a story, in principle, about cyclists. Which is not essentially that interesting, unless you happen to like cycling. More broadly, however, it is about the viral nature of the Web 2.0 world, the collective voice of the otherwise unheard masses and one man who gravely misjudged his own talents.
That man is TV chef and have-a-go motoring journalist, James Martin. Martin wrote an article in the Daily Heil, ostensibly reviewing the Tesla electric sports car, but in which he offered his less than favourable opinion on cyclists. He then closed the article by claiming (whether truthfully or not) that he used the silent electric vehicle to cruise up behind a group of cyclists, pip his horn at them and canter off into the distance, all the while enjoying the sight of seeing the riders pick themsleves out of the nearest hedge.
Up until a couple of years ago, that would have been that. This piece of sub-Clarkson budget journalism might have attracted a couple of letters to the paper, some of which may even have been printed. In the age of social networking, nothing could be more different. It probably started for most people (certainly for me) when reading pro cyclist Bradley Wiggins' Twitter feed, and noticing the number of rude messages relating to the chef-cum-writer. Thankfully he also linked the article, which alerted thousands of amateur riders, Wiggo supporters (and about three old Corrie fans looking for Bradley Walsh) to the attitude of Mr Martin.
This is where the fun began.
The article's comments box on the Daily Heil website was bombarded with angry messages from irate fans and bike riders. The Heil responded by removing the comments and the ability to comment on the article. Not the smartest move by a long stretch. (Only in the days to come, when the anti-Martin campaign was in full swing, did the Heil eventually reinstate the comments and edit the offending paragraph out of the article). A Facebook page was set up, allowing unmoderated wall posts to build up in a matter of hours.
Largely thanks to Twitter, the incident then became a school playground in cyberspace. Robbie McEwen told Lance Armstrong. (Lance didn't reply). McEwen suggested punters might like to 'punch him in the face' if they see him. Wiggo's wife, Cath, also waxed lyrical about the chef. McEwen posted a screengrab of Martin's vastly edited Wikipedia entry; childish, clearly, but another example of the anger suddenly felt towards him.
The story also brings up a wider issue; before the rise of the Internet, was the everyday man on the street bothered about the lack of a way to make an impact, to have his viewed aired so easily? Or have sites like Facebook and Twitter meant that people are more likely to respond, just because they can? Either way, it is fascinating to see how stories can gather momentum unexpectedly, and how the previously untouchable can be held to account more readily and much more spectacularly.
Martin has since been forced to issue an apology. I say 'forced'; it is exactly the kind of platitude one expects to read in such circumstances. I'd wager quite handsomely that I could have written something to exactly the same effect if told the circumstances of the story from afar. But that hasn't stopped the incensed messages, the suggestions of writing to the Heil, his management, the Press Complaints and just about everyone short of Gordon Brown. It hasn't stopped cyclists threatening to gather in mass participation rides either round his house or to/from his workplace. Nor has it stopped people threatening to phone in to his Saturday Kitchen show (under the pretense of asking a cooking question) before unleashing a torrent of abuse live on air. Now I've never watched Saturday Kitchen in my life before. I wouldn't ordinarily wish to give the man the boost in ratings, but I suggest you tune in as I will be; BBC One, 10:00am, Saturday (obviously), just in case...
As a postscript, I would like to offer some of the more choice Tweets on the matter this week:
Bradley Wiggins: (@bradwiggins)
James Martin TV chef, The word cock springs to mind, stick to Ready Steady Twat mate
Give me Something For The Weekend anyday, Chef Simon top fella!
Meal suggestion for this Saturday Kitchen for James Martin, Spotted DICK!
Cath Wiggins: (@cathwiggins)
@bradwiggins or Toad in the (arse)Hole?
heard Ceebeebies had commissioned James Martin for a new post watershed series of the children's favourite: Big Cook Little Cock
one last word..James Martin you peanut dicked knob jockey of a turd pate making shit eating arse wipe I hope you fall in your blender
Robbie McEwen: (@mcewenrobbie)
website of cyclist hater James Martin. Anyone with computer skills feel free to fuck it up! otherwise, leave him nasty messages in geust (sic)
@lancearmstrong maybe you can tweet out for a group ride around where this idiot lives. http://tinyurl.com/mp62jd
As a post-postscript, the offending paragraph has been removed from the article, but quoted in many places, including his Wikipedia entry. For posterity, I reproduce it here:
"...spotted those damned Spider-Man cyclists. Knowing they wouldn't hear me coming, I stepped on the gas, waited until the split second before I overtook them, then gave them an almighty blast on the horn at the exact same time I passed them at speed. The look of sheer terror as they tottered into the hedge was the best thing I've ever seen in my rear-view mirror."
That man is TV chef and have-a-go motoring journalist, James Martin. Martin wrote an article in the Daily Heil, ostensibly reviewing the Tesla electric sports car, but in which he offered his less than favourable opinion on cyclists. He then closed the article by claiming (whether truthfully or not) that he used the silent electric vehicle to cruise up behind a group of cyclists, pip his horn at them and canter off into the distance, all the while enjoying the sight of seeing the riders pick themsleves out of the nearest hedge.
Up until a couple of years ago, that would have been that. This piece of sub-Clarkson budget journalism might have attracted a couple of letters to the paper, some of which may even have been printed. In the age of social networking, nothing could be more different. It probably started for most people (certainly for me) when reading pro cyclist Bradley Wiggins' Twitter feed, and noticing the number of rude messages relating to the chef-cum-writer. Thankfully he also linked the article, which alerted thousands of amateur riders, Wiggo supporters (and about three old Corrie fans looking for Bradley Walsh) to the attitude of Mr Martin.
This is where the fun began.
The article's comments box on the Daily Heil website was bombarded with angry messages from irate fans and bike riders. The Heil responded by removing the comments and the ability to comment on the article. Not the smartest move by a long stretch. (Only in the days to come, when the anti-Martin campaign was in full swing, did the Heil eventually reinstate the comments and edit the offending paragraph out of the article). A Facebook page was set up, allowing unmoderated wall posts to build up in a matter of hours.
Largely thanks to Twitter, the incident then became a school playground in cyberspace. Robbie McEwen told Lance Armstrong. (Lance didn't reply). McEwen suggested punters might like to 'punch him in the face' if they see him. Wiggo's wife, Cath, also waxed lyrical about the chef. McEwen posted a screengrab of Martin's vastly edited Wikipedia entry; childish, clearly, but another example of the anger suddenly felt towards him.
The story also brings up a wider issue; before the rise of the Internet, was the everyday man on the street bothered about the lack of a way to make an impact, to have his viewed aired so easily? Or have sites like Facebook and Twitter meant that people are more likely to respond, just because they can? Either way, it is fascinating to see how stories can gather momentum unexpectedly, and how the previously untouchable can be held to account more readily and much more spectacularly.
Martin has since been forced to issue an apology. I say 'forced'; it is exactly the kind of platitude one expects to read in such circumstances. I'd wager quite handsomely that I could have written something to exactly the same effect if told the circumstances of the story from afar. But that hasn't stopped the incensed messages, the suggestions of writing to the Heil, his management, the Press Complaints and just about everyone short of Gordon Brown. It hasn't stopped cyclists threatening to gather in mass participation rides either round his house or to/from his workplace. Nor has it stopped people threatening to phone in to his Saturday Kitchen show (under the pretense of asking a cooking question) before unleashing a torrent of abuse live on air. Now I've never watched Saturday Kitchen in my life before. I wouldn't ordinarily wish to give the man the boost in ratings, but I suggest you tune in as I will be; BBC One, 10:00am, Saturday (obviously), just in case...
As a postscript, I would like to offer some of the more choice Tweets on the matter this week:
Bradley Wiggins: (@bradwiggins)
James Martin TV chef, The word cock springs to mind, stick to Ready Steady Twat mate
Give me Something For The Weekend anyday, Chef Simon top fella!
Meal suggestion for this Saturday Kitchen for James Martin, Spotted DICK!
Cath Wiggins: (@cathwiggins)
@bradwiggins or Toad in the (arse)Hole?
heard Ceebeebies had commissioned James Martin for a new post watershed series of the children's favourite: Big Cook Little Cock
one last word..James Martin you peanut dicked knob jockey of a turd pate making shit eating arse wipe I hope you fall in your blender
Robbie McEwen: (@mcewenrobbie)
website of cyclist hater James Martin. Anyone with computer skills feel free to fuck it up! otherwise, leave him nasty messages in geust (sic)
@lancearmstrong maybe you can tweet out for a group ride around where this idiot lives. http://tinyurl.com/mp62jd
As a post-postscript, the offending paragraph has been removed from the article, but quoted in many places, including his Wikipedia entry. For posterity, I reproduce it here:
"...spotted those damned Spider-Man cyclists. Knowing they wouldn't hear me coming, I stepped on the gas, waited until the split second before I overtook them, then gave them an almighty blast on the horn at the exact same time I passed them at speed. The look of sheer terror as they tottered into the hedge was the best thing I've ever seen in my rear-view mirror."
Monday 14 September 2009
Some woefully outdated sporting observations...
Athletics
Confusion Reigns?
When the IAAF brought in the one false start rule in 2003, it brought about a state of confusion and misinformation in domestic athletic events that still, for some godforsaken reason, exists six years down the line. Essentially, UK races, run under UKA rules, still conform to the old two false starts per athlete system, unbeknown to a surprisingly large contingent of spectators, parents, even runners. Typical scenario at any local league meet:
Spectator 1 to Spectator 2: “So what happens now?”
Spectator 2 to Spectator 1: “Oh, so they're all on one false start now. So if any-”
Me (irate): “No, that's not how it works, it's still two false starts each”.
Now the IAAF have introduced the no false start rule for 2010. It hasn't been massively publicized; only to those who either read athletics news sources or have watched the BBC coverage will know of this rule change for IAAF events. So from next year, an even greater state of confusion will exist in British athletics; those who know the brand new 2010 rule, (erroneously) correcting those who only know the 2003 rule who are themselves busy giving out wrong information (as above) and those who know the original (right) rule, correcting everyone who'll listen. What fun.
Qualify the easy way.
How do you get through the rounds of a middle-distance championships? Simple – place well early on, get your heels clicked by an opponent (the more inexperienced the better) and hit the deck quicker than Eduardo on his wedding night. Time and again runners fell in heats or semis of the 800m or 1500m in Berlin and were reinstated into the next round. Janeth Jepkosgei, in the first round of the 800m, had a clear case to be allowed passage, as she was in a clear qualifying position with just over 100m to go when she was tripped.
Bram Som's qualification into the final was less clear cut. How, in a close and competitive semi-final and being tripped on the first lap, could one hope to argue their case for progression? The Dutchman didn't even have the dignity to finish the run, giving his legs a few hundred metres extra freshness going into the final. It gets worse; America's Shannon Rowbury fell in the first heat of the 1500m, and in doing so impeded Briton Charlene Thomas, who lost a shoe in the process. Thomas still went on to beat Rowbury in the race, but only the Americans protested, and their charge was duly promoted to the semis.
BBC Fail...
I have final proof of institutional racism occurring within the BBC. Honest. During the coverage of the recent World Championships, the studio team conducted their presentations with, as appears to be de rigeur these days, those vaguely flesh-coloured microphone/headset devices protruding down the side of their faces. At least, I think so, since of course they magically disappear when they are put on – I mean, you can't see them at all, such is the excellence of the disguise at work. Unfortunately for the BBC, all three panelists – Colin Jackson, Michael Johnson and Denise Lewis – are – in – actual – fact – black, rendering the single reason for wearing such a device completely and utterly pointless.
Tennis
Andy Murray got in, then got out in the US Open, although of course nobody cares. The football season's started by now, and in any case it isn't Wimbledon, so it's not a proper competition anyway. As we all know, the British public are, when it comes to tennis, by and large quite useless. Most wouldn't know their Challenger tournaments from their Masters Series, their Ferreira from their Ferrero, their Mardy Fish from, from...well God knows, really. Come off it, that's not a real name.
I digress somewhat. While your average bloke down the pub is well aware of the week-to-week ramifications of three points here, goal difference there, the workings of the 52-week rolling ATP World Rankings system is not likely to figure on his sporting radar. Of course, this mug here is the one likely to be sat at a computer, match live score ticking in the background, thinking, 'right, so Murray's defending this many points, so he needs at least a quarter final to...' and so on.
“What, they have 52-week rankings?” says the man down the pub. “You mean to say that tennis is played at other times of the year other than June? Jeez, I thought it was just something they put on telly when the footy's not on. Of course, there's a major tournament every two years, and England usually get there, and at least to the knockout stages, so I probably won't be watching tennis then anyway”.
“Well-” I reply.
“And another thing”, the hypothetical bloke would continue, were he real, “That bloody Murray, banging on and on and bloody on about bloody Scotland, and how he hates England and hopes England lose, well I'll be supporting anyone but him from now on. Who's he playing?”
“Ernest Gulbis. Of Latvia.”
“Right, let me see. I'm sure there's a Latvian flag around here somewhere. Come on Gulliver – er, what's his name again?”
Actually, I did overhear once and old woman talking on the bus, around Wimbledon time, saying how she won't be supporting Murray because of the Davis Cup and how he never plays in it. She's much rather root for Federer. Because he always plays Davis Cup ties. Plans his season round them, he does.
Is there a British sportsperson who polarises opinion like Andy Murray? I'd like to know...
Cycling
Brit-watch
Sky (the television company) have a reputation of splashing the cash, coming in and buying up all the big names from all sources. In a neat parallel, it seems that the new pro cycling squad to whom they have given their name are up to the same business. Hopefully they will actually get (as it is expected they will) the ProTour licence to justify the big money. Otherwise they will end up mirroring the other character trait of Sky TV – all the names, but no-one gets to see them.
Finally, at 31, Russell Downing (pictured above) gets his shot at the big time, after putting away the Continental pros in the Tour of Ireland (including Lance Armstrong, who took one look at St Patrick's Hill through the rain in Cork and thought 'Bugger that for a game of soldiers'). Although Sky should sign up Downing's current teammate Malcolm Elliott, just for a laugh if nothing else. At 48 he makes Armstrong look like Robbie McEwan's son (who he called Ewan, the plonker). He's still sprinting with the rest, recording top 10 stage finishes in this week's Tour of Britain against guys practically young enough to be his sons.
Also, I'm surprised no-one's mentioned Kristian House to move Sky-wards (sorry). Surely a British squad would want to have the British road race champion in the peloton, if only for the opportunity to show off the national champion's jersey with Sky motifs? There is of course, one other British Champion, Bradley Wiggins (who earned his winner's jersey in the recent national time trial champs) who has been under constant speculation of a move to Sky. He has repeatedly and categorically denied any such move on his Twitter page; I can only hope for his sake he's staying put at Garmin, otherwise after comments such as these gems below, @bradwiggins will be up for a serious climbdown:
“A huge anti-climax is heading the press's way, such a shame, for the sake of being just not stirring the shit, oh look the Vuelta's on!”
“@cyclingweekly, please stop stirring the shit pile, it was a black TEAM GARMIN hoodie, cheers”
“Twitpic is for CW benefit, Team Garmin rule woopty bloody doo!”
Football
The last day of the football transfer window is one of frantic activity; some managers going on the offensive, looking for that final signing to complete the jigsaw, others trying to fend off other teams with everything they can, up to and including using sticks to beat away opposing managers looking to prise away their star player.
So who do my Burnley side go and sign? David Nugent. As a reasonably prolific striker for Lancashire rivals Preston, no man has been subjected to more abuse at Turf Moor this century than the England international (in the loosest possible sense – came on as a substitute in a friendly and poached a goal literally on the line). I'm prepared to wager that half of the Longside will still want to chant, 'Same old Nugent, always cheating' the first time he tries to win us a penalty.
And Finally...
Sporting Masterclasses Not Coming Soon To BBC Sport:
Make The Most Of Your Powerplays With Andrew Strauss
How To Dip Effectively With The GB Middle Distance Women
Grab Your Opportunity With Luca Badoer
...any more?
Epic Historic Sporting Fail
Lindsay Jacobellis loses the gold in the 2006 Winter Olympics Snowboard Cross in style...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPCOin3l8OY
Confusion Reigns?
When the IAAF brought in the one false start rule in 2003, it brought about a state of confusion and misinformation in domestic athletic events that still, for some godforsaken reason, exists six years down the line. Essentially, UK races, run under UKA rules, still conform to the old two false starts per athlete system, unbeknown to a surprisingly large contingent of spectators, parents, even runners. Typical scenario at any local league meet:
Spectator 1 to Spectator 2: “So what happens now?”
Spectator 2 to Spectator 1: “Oh, so they're all on one false start now. So if any-”
Me (irate): “No, that's not how it works, it's still two false starts each”.
Now the IAAF have introduced the no false start rule for 2010. It hasn't been massively publicized; only to those who either read athletics news sources or have watched the BBC coverage will know of this rule change for IAAF events. So from next year, an even greater state of confusion will exist in British athletics; those who know the brand new 2010 rule, (erroneously) correcting those who only know the 2003 rule who are themselves busy giving out wrong information (as above) and those who know the original (right) rule, correcting everyone who'll listen. What fun.
Qualify the easy way.
How do you get through the rounds of a middle-distance championships? Simple – place well early on, get your heels clicked by an opponent (the more inexperienced the better) and hit the deck quicker than Eduardo on his wedding night. Time and again runners fell in heats or semis of the 800m or 1500m in Berlin and were reinstated into the next round. Janeth Jepkosgei, in the first round of the 800m, had a clear case to be allowed passage, as she was in a clear qualifying position with just over 100m to go when she was tripped.
Bram Som's qualification into the final was less clear cut. How, in a close and competitive semi-final and being tripped on the first lap, could one hope to argue their case for progression? The Dutchman didn't even have the dignity to finish the run, giving his legs a few hundred metres extra freshness going into the final. It gets worse; America's Shannon Rowbury fell in the first heat of the 1500m, and in doing so impeded Briton Charlene Thomas, who lost a shoe in the process. Thomas still went on to beat Rowbury in the race, but only the Americans protested, and their charge was duly promoted to the semis.
BBC Fail...
I have final proof of institutional racism occurring within the BBC. Honest. During the coverage of the recent World Championships, the studio team conducted their presentations with, as appears to be de rigeur these days, those vaguely flesh-coloured microphone/headset devices protruding down the side of their faces. At least, I think so, since of course they magically disappear when they are put on – I mean, you can't see them at all, such is the excellence of the disguise at work. Unfortunately for the BBC, all three panelists – Colin Jackson, Michael Johnson and Denise Lewis – are – in – actual – fact – black, rendering the single reason for wearing such a device completely and utterly pointless.
Tennis
Andy Murray got in, then got out in the US Open, although of course nobody cares. The football season's started by now, and in any case it isn't Wimbledon, so it's not a proper competition anyway. As we all know, the British public are, when it comes to tennis, by and large quite useless. Most wouldn't know their Challenger tournaments from their Masters Series, their Ferreira from their Ferrero, their Mardy Fish from, from...well God knows, really. Come off it, that's not a real name.
I digress somewhat. While your average bloke down the pub is well aware of the week-to-week ramifications of three points here, goal difference there, the workings of the 52-week rolling ATP World Rankings system is not likely to figure on his sporting radar. Of course, this mug here is the one likely to be sat at a computer, match live score ticking in the background, thinking, 'right, so Murray's defending this many points, so he needs at least a quarter final to...' and so on.
“What, they have 52-week rankings?” says the man down the pub. “You mean to say that tennis is played at other times of the year other than June? Jeez, I thought it was just something they put on telly when the footy's not on. Of course, there's a major tournament every two years, and England usually get there, and at least to the knockout stages, so I probably won't be watching tennis then anyway”.
“Well-” I reply.
“And another thing”, the hypothetical bloke would continue, were he real, “That bloody Murray, banging on and on and bloody on about bloody Scotland, and how he hates England and hopes England lose, well I'll be supporting anyone but him from now on. Who's he playing?”
“Ernest Gulbis. Of Latvia.”
“Right, let me see. I'm sure there's a Latvian flag around here somewhere. Come on Gulliver – er, what's his name again?”
Actually, I did overhear once and old woman talking on the bus, around Wimbledon time, saying how she won't be supporting Murray because of the Davis Cup and how he never plays in it. She's much rather root for Federer. Because he always plays Davis Cup ties. Plans his season round them, he does.
Is there a British sportsperson who polarises opinion like Andy Murray? I'd like to know...
Cycling
Brit-watch
Sky (the television company) have a reputation of splashing the cash, coming in and buying up all the big names from all sources. In a neat parallel, it seems that the new pro cycling squad to whom they have given their name are up to the same business. Hopefully they will actually get (as it is expected they will) the ProTour licence to justify the big money. Otherwise they will end up mirroring the other character trait of Sky TV – all the names, but no-one gets to see them.
Finally, at 31, Russell Downing (pictured above) gets his shot at the big time, after putting away the Continental pros in the Tour of Ireland (including Lance Armstrong, who took one look at St Patrick's Hill through the rain in Cork and thought 'Bugger that for a game of soldiers'). Although Sky should sign up Downing's current teammate Malcolm Elliott, just for a laugh if nothing else. At 48 he makes Armstrong look like Robbie McEwan's son (who he called Ewan, the plonker). He's still sprinting with the rest, recording top 10 stage finishes in this week's Tour of Britain against guys practically young enough to be his sons.
Also, I'm surprised no-one's mentioned Kristian House to move Sky-wards (sorry). Surely a British squad would want to have the British road race champion in the peloton, if only for the opportunity to show off the national champion's jersey with Sky motifs? There is of course, one other British Champion, Bradley Wiggins (who earned his winner's jersey in the recent national time trial champs) who has been under constant speculation of a move to Sky. He has repeatedly and categorically denied any such move on his Twitter page; I can only hope for his sake he's staying put at Garmin, otherwise after comments such as these gems below, @bradwiggins will be up for a serious climbdown:
“A huge anti-climax is heading the press's way, such a shame, for the sake of being just not stirring the shit, oh look the Vuelta's on!”
“@cyclingweekly, please stop stirring the shit pile, it was a black TEAM GARMIN hoodie, cheers”
“Twitpic is for CW benefit, Team Garmin rule woopty bloody doo!”
Football
The last day of the football transfer window is one of frantic activity; some managers going on the offensive, looking for that final signing to complete the jigsaw, others trying to fend off other teams with everything they can, up to and including using sticks to beat away opposing managers looking to prise away their star player.
So who do my Burnley side go and sign? David Nugent. As a reasonably prolific striker for Lancashire rivals Preston, no man has been subjected to more abuse at Turf Moor this century than the England international (in the loosest possible sense – came on as a substitute in a friendly and poached a goal literally on the line). I'm prepared to wager that half of the Longside will still want to chant, 'Same old Nugent, always cheating' the first time he tries to win us a penalty.
And Finally...
Sporting Masterclasses Not Coming Soon To BBC Sport:
Make The Most Of Your Powerplays With Andrew Strauss
How To Dip Effectively With The GB Middle Distance Women
Grab Your Opportunity With Luca Badoer
...any more?
Epic Historic Sporting Fail
Lindsay Jacobellis loses the gold in the 2006 Winter Olympics Snowboard Cross in style...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPCOin3l8OY
Thursday 4 June 2009
My defining albums
What is a defining album? Not necessarily the best, or the ones which still get played the most - but the ones which are best representative of my music listenting life, habits and tastes. Presented is a list of such albums in roughly chronological order.
Oasis - (What's The Story) Morning Glory?
Oasis or Blur? Blur or Oasis? The north/south divide recast into a mid-90's Britpop debate. Being a dyed-in-the-wool Northerner, there was only one winner. As a young lad of around 10 or 11, with only a Sony Walkman to hand, I had this album taped from a friend(!), which I probably wore out over the years. Listening to any one of those songs now (in truth, any from their first three albums) takes me back to those days.
Moby - Play
In 2000/2001, along came a short, bald headed American, whose song 'Porcelain' soundtracked everything that moved on television. Having eventually found out who wrote the song, I got the album, which got played to death, and a chunk of the back catalogue - albums and Play-era singles. Also this got me on a more electronic stream - it coincided with listening to stuff like Chemical Brothers (the earlier years were significantly better), Prodigy, early Kosheen, Rob Dougan (who remixed 'Porcelain' on one of those singles), Hybrid (another remixer). Looking back, the second half of 'Play' is pretty dreadful (I don't think I listened to it much even then), with the exception of the delightful 'Everloving', but this remains an important album in my listening history.
Athlete - Tourist / Vehicles & Animals
Alright, two albums is cheating slightly. This is the band that wrote the song 'You Got The Style', one of those songs that I would hear, like, but forget to follow up (I wasn't that 'into' music back in 2003, when V&A was released). By early 2005, I was a more regular radio listener (yes, mainstream Radio 1 was my main source of 'new music' back in those days), when Athlete returned with a gentle new single, 'Wires'. Interest piqued, album(s) bought, and (at the band's mainstream heights) they provided me with my first two gig experiences at Blackpool and outdoors at Somerset House, London on a perfect August evening.
Oh, and I can't forget the message board, too. Under the alias (of sorts) 'danny1234567890' I racked up hundreds of posts over a number of years, discovering new music, talking to like-minded souls and culminating in an uber 'boardie meet-up' at a gig at London Koko in July 2007.
While their albums receive much fewer outings these days, I cannot understate the importance of this band as a 'turning point' in my musical habits.
Sigur Rós - Takk...
The album which introduced the band to the world (including me) and introduced me to the genre of 'post rock'. Post rock is a bizzare term - according to Wikipedia (of course), it refers to the use of rock instruments for non-rock purposes. The distinction blurs somewhat as it comes into contact with its siblings math and prog, but none-the-less this album got me started on a whole new strand of music which forms the backbone my musical tastes these days. 65daysofstatic, Explosions in the Sky, Youthmovies, iLiKETRAiNS, to name but a few. Another artist whose music doesn't exactly dominate my Last.fm charts, but they got me started on the post rock theme and for that I am thankful. Plus it features 'Hoppípolla', surely one of the most simply wonderful and uplifting songs of the decade, capable of soundtracking sweeping landscapes and FA Cup finals with unwavering beauty.
Frank Turner - Sleep Is For The Week
Back in my first year in Oxford, I ventured out on one of the gig/clubnights offered by Oxford's IMSoc (Indie Music Society), not entirely sure what to expect. What I didn't expect, certainly, was to be introduced to a long-haired, bearded ex-punk-rocker-turned-folkie, whose witty acoustic strums got me absolutely and completely hooked from the start. I immediately bought his demo CD from the man himself - a CDR in a plain white paper sleeve, with a complimentary badge (natch!). Every commercial CD release since resides in my collection, and after something like 7 (or possibly 8) gigs in total over the past three years or so, Frank still sits at the top of my all-time Last.fm artist charts.
¡Forward, Russia! - Give Me A Wall
This is a tricky one. The album itself is a tough listen at first; abrasive, acerbic and to be honest, it took me a while to 'get in to it'. I saw them live, but in the phase when I was new to the album and didn't really know the songs very well. Actually, the reason this is included in this list is not becuase of the album itself (although, when I began to appreciate it, it was barely off my iPod for ages) but because of the unprecedented number of bands I got into thanks to them. The reason is the Leeds-based record label they founded called Dance To The Radio, whose dirt-cheap compilations contained songs from many bands and artists I subsequently got into - from the burgeoning Leeds scene and elsewhere. Sky Larkin, Grammatics, iLiKETRAiNS and This Et Al were the main bands that I liked from those CDs, but the interest in Leeds music that followed, or the bands I saw through wanting to see the aforementioned, caused the tree to branch out much further. Los Campesinos!, Johnny Foreigner, Pulled Apart By Horses, Wintermute, Napoleon IIIrd, I Was A Cub Scout, Rolo Tomassi. All these names (and probably more besides) whose music I have enjoyed, live and on record, can all be traced back to that inital interest in ¡F,R!.
For the record, here's what Last.fm's 'Paste Your Taste' button has to offer:
"
I'm into indie, post-rock, alternative, british and math rock, including:
Frank Turner, Los Campesinos!, Sky Larkin, ¡Forward, Russia!, 65daysofstatic, iLiKETRAiNS, Johnny Foreigner, Athlete, British Sea Power, Grammatics, Sigur Rós, Youthmovies, Snow Patrol, Editors, Iain Archer, Maybeshewill, Oversol, Muse, Fell City Girl, This Et Al, Kubichek!, Secret Machines, Upcdowncleftcrightcabc+start, Dive Dive, We Are Scientists, Brand New, Morning Runner, I Was a Cub Scout, Napoleon IIIrd, Frightened Rabbit, Foals, Tired Irie, Coldplay, Embrace, Explosions in the Sky, Radiohead, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Silversun Pickups, Minnaars, The Longcut, Holly Throsby, Captain, Wintermute, Youthmovie Soundtrack Strategies, The Twilight Sad, Arctic Monkeys, Data.select.party, At the Drive-In, Laura Groves, Broken Social Scene.
Check out my music taste: http://www.last.fm/user/danny1234567890
"
Oasis - (What's The Story) Morning Glory?
Oasis or Blur? Blur or Oasis? The north/south divide recast into a mid-90's Britpop debate. Being a dyed-in-the-wool Northerner, there was only one winner. As a young lad of around 10 or 11, with only a Sony Walkman to hand, I had this album taped from a friend(!), which I probably wore out over the years. Listening to any one of those songs now (in truth, any from their first three albums) takes me back to those days.
Moby - Play
In 2000/2001, along came a short, bald headed American, whose song 'Porcelain' soundtracked everything that moved on television. Having eventually found out who wrote the song, I got the album, which got played to death, and a chunk of the back catalogue - albums and Play-era singles. Also this got me on a more electronic stream - it coincided with listening to stuff like Chemical Brothers (the earlier years were significantly better), Prodigy, early Kosheen, Rob Dougan (who remixed 'Porcelain' on one of those singles), Hybrid (another remixer). Looking back, the second half of 'Play' is pretty dreadful (I don't think I listened to it much even then), with the exception of the delightful 'Everloving', but this remains an important album in my listening history.
Athlete - Tourist / Vehicles & Animals
Alright, two albums is cheating slightly. This is the band that wrote the song 'You Got The Style', one of those songs that I would hear, like, but forget to follow up (I wasn't that 'into' music back in 2003, when V&A was released). By early 2005, I was a more regular radio listener (yes, mainstream Radio 1 was my main source of 'new music' back in those days), when Athlete returned with a gentle new single, 'Wires'. Interest piqued, album(s) bought, and (at the band's mainstream heights) they provided me with my first two gig experiences at Blackpool and outdoors at Somerset House, London on a perfect August evening.
Oh, and I can't forget the message board, too. Under the alias (of sorts) 'danny1234567890' I racked up hundreds of posts over a number of years, discovering new music, talking to like-minded souls and culminating in an uber 'boardie meet-up' at a gig at London Koko in July 2007.
While their albums receive much fewer outings these days, I cannot understate the importance of this band as a 'turning point' in my musical habits.
Sigur Rós - Takk...
The album which introduced the band to the world (including me) and introduced me to the genre of 'post rock'. Post rock is a bizzare term - according to Wikipedia (of course), it refers to the use of rock instruments for non-rock purposes. The distinction blurs somewhat as it comes into contact with its siblings math and prog, but none-the-less this album got me started on a whole new strand of music which forms the backbone my musical tastes these days. 65daysofstatic, Explosions in the Sky, Youthmovies, iLiKETRAiNS, to name but a few. Another artist whose music doesn't exactly dominate my Last.fm charts, but they got me started on the post rock theme and for that I am thankful. Plus it features 'Hoppípolla', surely one of the most simply wonderful and uplifting songs of the decade, capable of soundtracking sweeping landscapes and FA Cup finals with unwavering beauty.
Frank Turner - Sleep Is For The Week
Back in my first year in Oxford, I ventured out on one of the gig/clubnights offered by Oxford's IMSoc (Indie Music Society), not entirely sure what to expect. What I didn't expect, certainly, was to be introduced to a long-haired, bearded ex-punk-rocker-turned-folkie, whose witty acoustic strums got me absolutely and completely hooked from the start. I immediately bought his demo CD from the man himself - a CDR in a plain white paper sleeve, with a complimentary badge (natch!). Every commercial CD release since resides in my collection, and after something like 7 (or possibly 8) gigs in total over the past three years or so, Frank still sits at the top of my all-time Last.fm artist charts.
¡Forward, Russia! - Give Me A Wall
This is a tricky one. The album itself is a tough listen at first; abrasive, acerbic and to be honest, it took me a while to 'get in to it'. I saw them live, but in the phase when I was new to the album and didn't really know the songs very well. Actually, the reason this is included in this list is not becuase of the album itself (although, when I began to appreciate it, it was barely off my iPod for ages) but because of the unprecedented number of bands I got into thanks to them. The reason is the Leeds-based record label they founded called Dance To The Radio, whose dirt-cheap compilations contained songs from many bands and artists I subsequently got into - from the burgeoning Leeds scene and elsewhere. Sky Larkin, Grammatics, iLiKETRAiNS and This Et Al were the main bands that I liked from those CDs, but the interest in Leeds music that followed, or the bands I saw through wanting to see the aforementioned, caused the tree to branch out much further. Los Campesinos!, Johnny Foreigner, Pulled Apart By Horses, Wintermute, Napoleon IIIrd, I Was A Cub Scout, Rolo Tomassi. All these names (and probably more besides) whose music I have enjoyed, live and on record, can all be traced back to that inital interest in ¡F,R!.
For the record, here's what Last.fm's 'Paste Your Taste' button has to offer:
"
I'm into indie, post-rock, alternative, british and math rock, including:
Frank Turner, Los Campesinos!, Sky Larkin, ¡Forward, Russia!, 65daysofstatic, iLiKETRAiNS, Johnny Foreigner, Athlete, British Sea Power, Grammatics, Sigur Rós, Youthmovies, Snow Patrol, Editors, Iain Archer, Maybeshewill, Oversol, Muse, Fell City Girl, This Et Al, Kubichek!, Secret Machines, Upcdowncleftcrightcabc+start, Dive Dive, We Are Scientists, Brand New, Morning Runner, I Was a Cub Scout, Napoleon IIIrd, Frightened Rabbit, Foals, Tired Irie, Coldplay, Embrace, Explosions in the Sky, Radiohead, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Silversun Pickups, Minnaars, The Longcut, Holly Throsby, Captain, Wintermute, Youthmovie Soundtrack Strategies, The Twilight Sad, Arctic Monkeys, Data.select.party, At the Drive-In, Laura Groves, Broken Social Scene.
Check out my music taste: http://www.last.fm/user/danny1234567890
"
Wednesday 1 April 2009
F1 Title To Be Decided in 'Piss Up A Wall' Contest
The FIA today (April 1) have announced a new system to decide the outcome of the Formula One World Championship. Essentially, at the end of the season, all drivers will be required to urinate against a wall, with the driver acheiving the greatest height crowned World Champion. The current points system (10 points for the winner down to 1 point for 8th place) will still be in place, but as a sort of seeding system, whereby the number of points accrued determines how close the driver gets to stand to the wall. (See the regulation change below).
In a statement, a spokesperson for the FIA said, 'It has become apparent that with the introduction of KERS [Kinetic Energy Recovery System], the taller - and therefore heavier - drivers have been placed at a disadvantage. This new system will enable those drivers to have a fair shot [quite literally - ed.] at the title'.
In an interview for the BBC, President of Formula One Management (FOM), Bernie Ecclestone said, 'This change will get drivers racing - to the toilet'.
Article 4.01 of the Sporting Regulations:
-After the conclusion of the final race of the season, all drivers must report to parc ferme where they will be lined up in order of points scored in the 2009 Formula One Season.
-They will each attempt to acheive the greatest height possible in urinating against a vertical surface ('the wall').
-Before and after his attempt the driver must report to the weighing-in area, where the car and driver must still weigh over the regulation 605kg in both instances.
-The driver making the greatest height on the wall will be awarded the 2009 Formula One World Driver's Championship.
Reproduced with kind permission of the FIA (Fool In April)
In a statement, a spokesperson for the FIA said, 'It has become apparent that with the introduction of KERS [Kinetic Energy Recovery System], the taller - and therefore heavier - drivers have been placed at a disadvantage. This new system will enable those drivers to have a fair shot [quite literally - ed.] at the title'.
In an interview for the BBC, President of Formula One Management (FOM), Bernie Ecclestone said, 'This change will get drivers racing - to the toilet'.
Article 4.01 of the Sporting Regulations:
-After the conclusion of the final race of the season, all drivers must report to parc ferme where they will be lined up in order of points scored in the 2009 Formula One Season.
-They will each attempt to acheive the greatest height possible in urinating against a vertical surface ('the wall').
-Before and after his attempt the driver must report to the weighing-in area, where the car and driver must still weigh over the regulation 605kg in both instances.
-The driver making the greatest height on the wall will be awarded the 2009 Formula One World Driver's Championship.
Reproduced with kind permission of the FIA (Fool In April)
Saturday 21 March 2009
Djokovic's early exit opens the door for Murray
Defending Indian Wells champion, the world #3, Novak Djokovic's defeat in the quarter finals to Andy Roddick will see him lose a sizeable chunk of points when the new rankings come out next week. His score of 1000 for the tournament last year will be replaced by a meagre 180 for his 2009 performance, dropping his overall tally to 8420.
This is the opportunity that world #4, Andy Murray, needed. Through to the final at Indian Wells, victory there will propel his score up to 8250, just 170 behind Djokovic. With both players only defending 1st round exits at the next tournament, the Masters 1000 event in Miami, then a straight race ensues for the #3 spot; providing both players make at least the quarter finals, then if Murray gets further in the tournament than his Serbian rival he will claim the position. Before the Australian Open, I had predicted Murray would be #3 after Miami; but his subsequent quarter-final exit in Melbourne seemed to put paid to that idea. Now though, he has a real chance to claim that new highest ranking - one higher than compatriots Tim Henman and Greg Rusedski managed.
Even if Murray loses in the final on Sunday, or underperforms in Miami, he looks favourite to claim that position in the long run. He failed to advance beyond the round of 16 in any of his 2008 clay court outings - the 'swing' of the season that follows on from here, leading up to the French Open in June. Djokovic, meanwhile, has semifinal appearances at Roland Garros and at two Masters events - Monte Carlo and Hamburg - on his 2008 scoresheet, as well as victory in the Rome Masters, meaning a hefty sum of points to defend in the coming months. This defence must come from a player whose 2009 win-loss record (before this week) reads 14-6 versus Murray's 15-1.
If Murray can improve his performances on clay - and I believe he can; he is a much changed player even from 12 months ago, and his noticably improved power and serve will help him here - then he can challenge that #3 position, and by the year's end, hope to put pressure on Federer for the #2 ranking. One feels only US Open victory would be good enough to make inroads into the top two, but the way Andy Murray has started 2009, that is not beyond him.
This is the opportunity that world #4, Andy Murray, needed. Through to the final at Indian Wells, victory there will propel his score up to 8250, just 170 behind Djokovic. With both players only defending 1st round exits at the next tournament, the Masters 1000 event in Miami, then a straight race ensues for the #3 spot; providing both players make at least the quarter finals, then if Murray gets further in the tournament than his Serbian rival he will claim the position. Before the Australian Open, I had predicted Murray would be #3 after Miami; but his subsequent quarter-final exit in Melbourne seemed to put paid to that idea. Now though, he has a real chance to claim that new highest ranking - one higher than compatriots Tim Henman and Greg Rusedski managed.
Even if Murray loses in the final on Sunday, or underperforms in Miami, he looks favourite to claim that position in the long run. He failed to advance beyond the round of 16 in any of his 2008 clay court outings - the 'swing' of the season that follows on from here, leading up to the French Open in June. Djokovic, meanwhile, has semifinal appearances at Roland Garros and at two Masters events - Monte Carlo and Hamburg - on his 2008 scoresheet, as well as victory in the Rome Masters, meaning a hefty sum of points to defend in the coming months. This defence must come from a player whose 2009 win-loss record (before this week) reads 14-6 versus Murray's 15-1.
If Murray can improve his performances on clay - and I believe he can; he is a much changed player even from 12 months ago, and his noticably improved power and serve will help him here - then he can challenge that #3 position, and by the year's end, hope to put pressure on Federer for the #2 ranking. One feels only US Open victory would be good enough to make inroads into the top two, but the way Andy Murray has started 2009, that is not beyond him.
Wednesday 18 March 2009
The FIA - Missing The Point(s).
This week the FIA introduced, with immediate effect, a new rule to decide the F1 World Champion. The driver with the most wins would be crowned champion, irrespective of his points score. This, in turn, rejected the suggestion of FOTA (Formula One Teams Association) to change the points scoring to 12-9-7-5-4-3-2-1, and also a development from Bernie Ecclestone's equally short-sighted 'medals' system (i.e. award gold/silver/bronze to the drivers, and the driver with the most golds wins the championship).
How ridiculous.
Ecclestone claims that the drivers will be encouraged to race because of this change. Even in his interview on Five Live he refers constantly to the lack of incentive to overtake for 'two points' - well why not give more points to the winner - as per the FOTA suggestion? Also, 'drivers' - plural - is a bit far-fetched, surely this only applies to one driver per race (the guy in second?).
And in this season of all seasons. The new rule is reported in some quarters as 'shaking up F1' - well, in this season of dramatically different car shapes, KERS and slick tyres, I think there is enough shaking going on already thank you. On that point, surely because of this consistency in driving should be rewarded sufficiently? I predict that there will be more shuffling of the pecking order throughout the season as teams learn their way around the new regs; improve their aero (especially the struggling McLaren), introduce their KERS systems etc. Drivers that can keep towards the front throughout all of this, all season long, should get an equal chance to win the championship as someone who struggles initially but comes with a late surge in the back end of the season, or starts off quick but gets swamped by the pack by mid-season. For instance, last year, Robert Kubica - who was always there or thereabouts in his BMW - would not have ever been considered a title contender under these rules, but was in the fight up until the last few races last year. Had he stole the title from his competitors in demonstrably quicker cars through consistent driving (while his opponents were busy crashing into each other) I don't think anyone would have begrudged him winning.
Furthermore, this system - which I would wager was partly to try to simplify matters for fans - is actually causing some confusion. Already on one thread on BBC's 606 message board people have been asking questions or making incorrect statements. For clarity, the following is true:
- The current scoring system - 10-8-6-5-4-3-2-1 - will be kept in place.
- The changes ONLY affect the outcome of the world drivers' title - all other positions will be decided by the points.
- The world constructors' title will still be decided by points.
- Yes, the changes do come into effect for 2009.
Whilst I would not go out and accuse the FIA of anti-Hamilton/McLaren bias, the fact that this rule has come in the year after Hamilton won the WDC with fewer wins than rival Felipe Massa may only serve to fuel those (already quite popular) suggestions. Especially after Ecclestone likes to cite Hamilton's supposed 'settle for second' attitude, blatantly disregarding his bold/stupid moves for the lead at Spa/Fuji (which he got penalised for both times - so no wonder he might be scared of overtaking anyone by the end of the season) and his pole-and-victory run at Shanghai (the penultimate race of the season). Only at Brazil were the 'just do enough' tactics out in force, and we all know what happened there - one of the most exciting finishes to a season in living memory. No-one ever brings up (for instance) Fernando Alonso's (absolutely correct and sensible) adoption of these tactics to land him his first crown.
Besides, everyone has got it wrong anyway. The points should go down to at least 12th place. The CART/Champ Car system from the late 90s was one of the best:
20-16-14-12-10-8-6-5-4-3-2-1 (plus, I seem to recall, bonuses for pole/fastest lap)
The MotoGP system is also useful, with the top 15 scoring. In my view, points are supposed to be merely a reflection of performance throughout the season, rather than something special to be earned. We would get a better picture of the midfield battle (which has been very tight in recent years) if points went to more places. To be honest I don't see why we can't have points for all of the positions available, at least then we can have fights throughout the field, and every position means something, even if it is a driver gaining, say, 14th instead of 15th. The old system of points for the top 6 went back to the days when barely more than 6 cars finished - even with 26 starters (wiki any race result from the late 80s/early 90s). They were right to change it to top 8 in 2003, but surely with the reliability of modern F1 cars, something needs to be changed again.
All in all, this seems like a very long and very reactionary article to something that might not even have an effect anyway (usually the driver with the most wins takes the title). But these changes themselves seem similarly reactionary and, given their prominence in the current sporting news, definitely warrant discussion.
How ridiculous.
Ecclestone claims that the drivers will be encouraged to race because of this change. Even in his interview on Five Live he refers constantly to the lack of incentive to overtake for 'two points' - well why not give more points to the winner - as per the FOTA suggestion? Also, 'drivers' - plural - is a bit far-fetched, surely this only applies to one driver per race (the guy in second?).
And in this season of all seasons. The new rule is reported in some quarters as 'shaking up F1' - well, in this season of dramatically different car shapes, KERS and slick tyres, I think there is enough shaking going on already thank you. On that point, surely because of this consistency in driving should be rewarded sufficiently? I predict that there will be more shuffling of the pecking order throughout the season as teams learn their way around the new regs; improve their aero (especially the struggling McLaren), introduce their KERS systems etc. Drivers that can keep towards the front throughout all of this, all season long, should get an equal chance to win the championship as someone who struggles initially but comes with a late surge in the back end of the season, or starts off quick but gets swamped by the pack by mid-season. For instance, last year, Robert Kubica - who was always there or thereabouts in his BMW - would not have ever been considered a title contender under these rules, but was in the fight up until the last few races last year. Had he stole the title from his competitors in demonstrably quicker cars through consistent driving (while his opponents were busy crashing into each other) I don't think anyone would have begrudged him winning.
Furthermore, this system - which I would wager was partly to try to simplify matters for fans - is actually causing some confusion. Already on one thread on BBC's 606 message board people have been asking questions or making incorrect statements. For clarity, the following is true:
- The current scoring system - 10-8-6-5-4-3-2-1 - will be kept in place.
- The changes ONLY affect the outcome of the world drivers' title - all other positions will be decided by the points.
- The world constructors' title will still be decided by points.
- Yes, the changes do come into effect for 2009.
Whilst I would not go out and accuse the FIA of anti-Hamilton/McLaren bias, the fact that this rule has come in the year after Hamilton won the WDC with fewer wins than rival Felipe Massa may only serve to fuel those (already quite popular) suggestions. Especially after Ecclestone likes to cite Hamilton's supposed 'settle for second' attitude, blatantly disregarding his bold/stupid moves for the lead at Spa/Fuji (which he got penalised for both times - so no wonder he might be scared of overtaking anyone by the end of the season) and his pole-and-victory run at Shanghai (the penultimate race of the season). Only at Brazil were the 'just do enough' tactics out in force, and we all know what happened there - one of the most exciting finishes to a season in living memory. No-one ever brings up (for instance) Fernando Alonso's (absolutely correct and sensible) adoption of these tactics to land him his first crown.
Besides, everyone has got it wrong anyway. The points should go down to at least 12th place. The CART/Champ Car system from the late 90s was one of the best:
20-16-14-12-10-8-6-5-4-3-2-1 (plus, I seem to recall, bonuses for pole/fastest lap)
The MotoGP system is also useful, with the top 15 scoring. In my view, points are supposed to be merely a reflection of performance throughout the season, rather than something special to be earned. We would get a better picture of the midfield battle (which has been very tight in recent years) if points went to more places. To be honest I don't see why we can't have points for all of the positions available, at least then we can have fights throughout the field, and every position means something, even if it is a driver gaining, say, 14th instead of 15th. The old system of points for the top 6 went back to the days when barely more than 6 cars finished - even with 26 starters (wiki any race result from the late 80s/early 90s). They were right to change it to top 8 in 2003, but surely with the reliability of modern F1 cars, something needs to be changed again.
All in all, this seems like a very long and very reactionary article to something that might not even have an effect anyway (usually the driver with the most wins takes the title). But these changes themselves seem similarly reactionary and, given their prominence in the current sporting news, definitely warrant discussion.
Monday 9 March 2009
A list of bands I've seen (probably, no, certainly non-exhaustive).
So, I thought (just for my own amusement) that I'd sit down and try and compile a list of every band/singer/artist I've seen live. Well, for a start not all of them, because there's no way I could recall the myriad of student bands I've seen, so I'll omit them for a start. Otherwise, I present this list, ordered with some sort of weighting criteria based on number of times I've seen them, how much I like them, commercial success, and to some greater extent the order in which I remember, which will usually mean support bands go right under their respective headliners unless I really like/dislike them. Don't expect to have heard of too many of these, though, many are local bands, random support bands, or just generally 'underground' acts. Here goes (starting with the obvious, for those of you who know me well enough)...
Frank Turner x7
Athlete x4
Sky Larkin x3
Los Campesinos! x2
Johnny Foreigner x2
Youthmovies x2
British Sea Power x2
iLiKETRAiNS x2
Pulled Apart By Horses x2
Editors
Ra Ra Riot
The Kissaway Trail
65daysofstatic
Asobi Seksu
Tired Irie
Adam Gnade x2
Broken Social Scene
¡Forward, Russia!
Cursive
Sometree
Nine Black Alps
Boy Kill Boy
The Magic Numbers
Snow Patrol
Silversun Pickups
Iain Archer
You Say Party! We Say Die!
Kyte x2
British Expeditionary Force
Napoleon IIIrd
Dive Dive x3
Beans On Toast x2
These New Puritans
Film School
Morning Runner x3
Alberta Cross
I Was A Cub Scout
Rolo Tomassi
This Town Needs Guns x2
data.select.party
Colour
Omes
Collisions and Consequences
Brontide
Oceansize
The Mules
Kid Harpoon
Noah and the Whale
Captain Black
Jay Jay Pistolet
Chris T-T x2
Emily Barker
Wintermute
Fell City Girl x2
The Winchell Riots
We Are Scientists
The Little Ones
Frightened Rabbit
Captain
Blanket
Xmas Lights x2
Borderville x4
Hreda
A Silent Film
worriedaboutsatan
Laboratory Noise
New Rhodes
Thomas Truax
Shy Child
Applicants
Victorian English Gentleman's Club
Frank Turner x7
Athlete x4
Sky Larkin x3
Los Campesinos! x2
Johnny Foreigner x2
Youthmovies x2
British Sea Power x2
iLiKETRAiNS x2
Pulled Apart By Horses x2
Editors
Ra Ra Riot
The Kissaway Trail
65daysofstatic
Asobi Seksu
Tired Irie
Adam Gnade x2
Broken Social Scene
¡Forward, Russia!
Cursive
Sometree
Nine Black Alps
Boy Kill Boy
The Magic Numbers
Snow Patrol
Silversun Pickups
Iain Archer
You Say Party! We Say Die!
Kyte x2
British Expeditionary Force
Napoleon IIIrd
Dive Dive x3
Beans On Toast x2
These New Puritans
Film School
Morning Runner x3
Alberta Cross
I Was A Cub Scout
Rolo Tomassi
This Town Needs Guns x2
data.select.party
Colour
Omes
Collisions and Consequences
Brontide
Oceansize
The Mules
Kid Harpoon
Noah and the Whale
Captain Black
Jay Jay Pistolet
Chris T-T x2
Emily Barker
Wintermute
Fell City Girl x2
The Winchell Riots
We Are Scientists
The Little Ones
Frightened Rabbit
Captain
Blanket
Xmas Lights x2
Borderville x4
Hreda
A Silent Film
worriedaboutsatan
Laboratory Noise
New Rhodes
Thomas Truax
Shy Child
Applicants
Victorian English Gentleman's Club
Thursday 12 February 2009
Minnaars - a new band to rock your face (and give away free music)
Probably best described as a cross between Foals and ¡Forward, Russia!, combining the former's mathy guitars and danceable beats mixed with the latter's vocal acrobatics (and the production duties of former ¡F,R! singer Tom Woodhead) .
Owing to problems with their record label, they have decided to give their debut EP away for free. Definitely worth a listen!
Check the Myspace for the details.
Check the video for 'Busy Hands' here:
Owing to problems with their record label, they have decided to give their debut EP away for free. Definitely worth a listen!
Check the Myspace for the details.
Check the video for 'Busy Hands' here:
Monday 9 February 2009
Birmingham Games 2009, 31 Jan/1 Feb (part 1)
What a weekend! I'd entered myself for the 800m, where I made the final last year (finishing 6th), running a PB in the heats in the process. This time around, however, due to excessive entries the organisers decided to put in first round heats at 10:30 on Saturday morning, before semis and final on the Sunday. This already claimed one victim - Irish hopeful Eoin Everard, who booked his flight for Saturday before the extra round was added (more on this later).
This put an extra strain on what was turning out to be an extremely busy weekend. The Oxford University AC 'Annual Dinner' was on the Saturday night, and I was going, even though I wasn't going to be drinking due to the race on Sunday (or so I thought, before the Saturday round was added). The only train that would get me there on time necessitated a 6:30 start, which was far from pleasant. (This was still a better prospect than the other Irish contender, Joe Warne, who told me he had caught a flight at about 4 that morning and travelled to the stadium from the airport).
Warming up for the race, I felt okay, not wonderfully fresh considering I had tapered for the race, (I put this down to the early start) but felt confident about making the semi finals at least (like I said, I was a finalist last year, so surely the semis was a given, right?). There were to be 5 heats of 5, with the winners and 5 fastest losers progressing to the next day's semis (bizarrely, they seemed to be only using 5 lanes of the 6 lane track for the start).
The intention was to go out and try and run 1:55 or so in the heats, as I would be at my freshest throughout the weekend and I was up for making it a time trial as well as a championships. Things didn't go to plan though, and as I took the lead, from Joe Warne, I was watching the clock every 100m and found myself drifting off from my pre-race target pace. 28 through 200m, fine, then 58 through 400 which was slow. I just had no zip in my legs and at the bell (reached in 1:28) Warne took the lead which he held to the line, with me second in 1:58.41.
That time, I thought, might be good enough to take me through. Of course at the time I had only a rough idea of what I had run, the exact tenths and hundredths were beyond my knowledge. So I sat through the remainder of the heats (I was in heat 1) looking to see if I was to make it. Heat 2 was okay, only the 2nd placed athlete beat my time, but the third was a disaster. It was so closely packed, and with the 4th athlete well into the 1:57 mark I was suddenly the last qualifier on time, with two heats still to run! At that stage I believed I was gone, and was facing the prospect of returning to the Annual Dinner (having made a fuss about not wanting to go so I could race on Sunday) with my tail very much between my ill-equipped legs.
The fourth heat was a much slower affair, thankfully, with the winner outside of 1:58. Suddenly I felt in with a chance again, with one heat to go. The athletes here went through 200 in 29 (slower than me - I felt safe), 400 in 58 (same as me, and I could not feel confident any longer) and two approached 600 in 1:27. That was it, I'm out, I thought. Mercifully, one of the two seemed to fall apart in the final 100, and I looked and saw that he was being passed by Danny Crates (2004 Paralympic champion) who was finishing like a train. The clock had stopped for the winner, but I continuted counting in my head, and felt that Crates had crossed the line 2nd in a mid-1:58.
This was agonising. Had I made it? If I had it would only have been by tenths, if that. I went for a 15-minute cool down run by the nearby canal, hoping that when I returned, the results would be up. They were...and I was through! I was right on the times though, my 1:58.41 was the slowest man through, Danny Crates was next on a 1:58.56. Although I was relieved at being put through, I was not at this stage confident of my chances; I felt like I ran hard, and there seemed to be nothing there. My focus on 400m training (rewarded with an indoor PB last month in Sheffield) seemed, perhaps, to have detracted from my 800 performances. Still, I could do nothing more than come back the next day, and try again in a more competitive field.
This put an extra strain on what was turning out to be an extremely busy weekend. The Oxford University AC 'Annual Dinner' was on the Saturday night, and I was going, even though I wasn't going to be drinking due to the race on Sunday (or so I thought, before the Saturday round was added). The only train that would get me there on time necessitated a 6:30 start, which was far from pleasant. (This was still a better prospect than the other Irish contender, Joe Warne, who told me he had caught a flight at about 4 that morning and travelled to the stadium from the airport).
Warming up for the race, I felt okay, not wonderfully fresh considering I had tapered for the race, (I put this down to the early start) but felt confident about making the semi finals at least (like I said, I was a finalist last year, so surely the semis was a given, right?). There were to be 5 heats of 5, with the winners and 5 fastest losers progressing to the next day's semis (bizarrely, they seemed to be only using 5 lanes of the 6 lane track for the start).
The intention was to go out and try and run 1:55 or so in the heats, as I would be at my freshest throughout the weekend and I was up for making it a time trial as well as a championships. Things didn't go to plan though, and as I took the lead, from Joe Warne, I was watching the clock every 100m and found myself drifting off from my pre-race target pace. 28 through 200m, fine, then 58 through 400 which was slow. I just had no zip in my legs and at the bell (reached in 1:28) Warne took the lead which he held to the line, with me second in 1:58.41.
That time, I thought, might be good enough to take me through. Of course at the time I had only a rough idea of what I had run, the exact tenths and hundredths were beyond my knowledge. So I sat through the remainder of the heats (I was in heat 1) looking to see if I was to make it. Heat 2 was okay, only the 2nd placed athlete beat my time, but the third was a disaster. It was so closely packed, and with the 4th athlete well into the 1:57 mark I was suddenly the last qualifier on time, with two heats still to run! At that stage I believed I was gone, and was facing the prospect of returning to the Annual Dinner (having made a fuss about not wanting to go so I could race on Sunday) with my tail very much between my ill-equipped legs.
The fourth heat was a much slower affair, thankfully, with the winner outside of 1:58. Suddenly I felt in with a chance again, with one heat to go. The athletes here went through 200 in 29 (slower than me - I felt safe), 400 in 58 (same as me, and I could not feel confident any longer) and two approached 600 in 1:27. That was it, I'm out, I thought. Mercifully, one of the two seemed to fall apart in the final 100, and I looked and saw that he was being passed by Danny Crates (2004 Paralympic champion) who was finishing like a train. The clock had stopped for the winner, but I continuted counting in my head, and felt that Crates had crossed the line 2nd in a mid-1:58.
This was agonising. Had I made it? If I had it would only have been by tenths, if that. I went for a 15-minute cool down run by the nearby canal, hoping that when I returned, the results would be up. They were...and I was through! I was right on the times though, my 1:58.41 was the slowest man through, Danny Crates was next on a 1:58.56. Although I was relieved at being put through, I was not at this stage confident of my chances; I felt like I ran hard, and there seemed to be nothing there. My focus on 400m training (rewarded with an indoor PB last month in Sheffield) seemed, perhaps, to have detracted from my 800 performances. Still, I could do nothing more than come back the next day, and try again in a more competitive field.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)